To cut a long story short, I had to take my mum urgently to A&E early this morning.
She’s chronically ill. It scares me. I may be 40, but I’m not ready to face all this. My mum has been my support system throughout the whole MS story and I feel kind of ….rudderless?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t rely on my mum for physical help, it’s the mulling/chatting over stuff that has seen me through the last two years. She’s been there every step of the way. It pained her to the very core to see yet another family member become diagnosed with this disease.
She nursed my father through PPMS and was only 28 when he died.
And now I am the one being strong, reassuring and forward planning. It’s not easy. I feel worn out and exhausted. But in a strange sort of way, I have found some kind of strength, from somewhere. My mum needs me.
This post hasn’t been edited. I’m writing as I find. I just wanted to explain what’s happening. I’m not the sort of person who can skip over stuff. I’d love to write about stuff that happened recently that made me laugh – and there’s been plenty. But right now, I’m in adrenalin mode. I know I’ll collapse at some point, just not right now.
I’m waiting for my sister to take me to the hospital. I’m shaking too much to drive.
Wish me luck. I need my mum. I’ve just heard she’s staying in overnight, at the very least. I’m going to hold her hand and tell her I love her. Because I do.