Not only has this latest relapse rocked my working world, it’s made me appreciate the smaller things in life.
I’ve snaffled some cut-down branches from one job to make Easter branches and have rescued some spare wood from another, with a view, at some point, to crafting hollowed-out candle-sized logs …
I was out at 6am this morning, hanging up washing. Relapse Tick.
I replied to some emails. Another Relapse Tick.
I made three coffees for myself. Relapse Tick again.
And that’s it.
This whole time, through this hideous relapse, I have been alone. And then it hit me. I no longer have friends who will just pop over. I’ve isolated every single one of them.
I scanned my contacts list. Some were in a relationship and had found their happy MS medium, and I am thrilled for them. Some had large families and a whole lot of support. Some were suspicious of a single MSer. And some had no idea I needed them.
Had I run out of MS favours? Am I now so used to surviving on my own that I have become the person I always feared I would be – the Single Female with a Cat?
In that way, I certainly do tick all the boxes. I talk to her (The Cat). I judge her moods and respond accordingly, which is rather sad.
But back to the bigger issue – I have a wide circle of fantastic friends whom I love and adore yet I miss having friends who are there, no matter what. I think I’m one of those. Most of my friends have had various crises over the years and I’m there as soon as they put the phone down. I do my utmost to be present, in whatever capacity they need me.
Last week was a shock. Have I got so used to solitude that this is now my New Normal? Am I now condemned to talking to the laurel bush in my backyard?
I miss my friends, but more the point, I realise I have not been the best of friends.