MS is a dirty, rotten scoundrel.
A thief.
As soon as you surrender your details – your symptoms, your weird feelings, your wonky emotions – MS snatches it all and steals your identity in return. You are now a victim of MS Identity Fraud.
The person you thought you were – independent, strong, single-minded – gone – and it’s up to you to work out how to put the falling pieces of your life back together, just when you’re at your most vulnerable.
If allowed free reign, MS will take your future; you know, the one you had all mapped out. It might take your partner, your job, your security, and of course, your health. Sadly, I speak from experience.
I’d like to think I’m trucking along just fine after those awful Two Years of MS Oblivion, but sometimes, just sometimes, MS still has the ability to knock me sideways. Like yesterday.
I was on the sofa, natch, when all of a sudden my arms and hands started trembling. I wasn’t too worried to start with as I get numb hands on a regular basis and thought MS was just shaking things up a little, quite literally. Then I stood up.
My whole body was trembling and I couldn’t stop it. My head was jerking, I could feel my chest moving and my legs soon followed suit. Tremors, all over the place.
I pushed down the panic and started to make dinner. I stabbed myself in the hand trying to dissect some lettuce then dropped a plate on the floor. I sat down on the sofa again, panicking a lot more now.
I did the first thing I could think of, call my mum.
‘Muuuuuuum, something really scary is going on and it’s got nothing to do with The Teenager.’
‘Oh dear, has that cat of yours brought in another dead bird? You ok?’
I explained the whole story, this new symptom. She told me my dad sometimes had symptoms like that and I was to try my best to stay calm. Deep breaths. Did I want her to come down?
I just wanted to crawl in to bed and block out the world, but it was only 5pm.
‘Muuuuuum, I keep stabbing myself with the kitchen knife.’
‘Ah. Probably a good idea to put that down for now. How about some cheese on toast?’
We talked a bit more and I felt better, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, pah, for all my positive thinking and getting on with life, MS still holds all the cards.
Around half an hour later, as quickly as they had arrived, the tremors stopped. My panic hasn’t.
What if it happens again?