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The Mallet Theory

the mallet theory 2When I first mentioned my Mallet Theory in a previous post, it drew a great response from you guys, so here is the full, unabridged version.

Ok, so most of us have heard about the Spoon Theory, and whilst I like it, I find it a little bit…..gentle? Spoons are such handy little things. Unoffensive.

You explain to your friends and family that with MS, you have a set amount of energy in one day, represented by a number of spoons, and you give one or more away depending upon how much energy you’ve used. When they’re gone, they’re gone.

Me? I prefer the Mallet Theory.┬áMS fatigue isn’t gentle. It’s a whack across the head by a mind-numbing, poleaxing, utterly devastating Mallet of Fatigue. So, say you start the day with ten mallets. You chuck one away (if you have the energy) every time you feel this crushing tiredness and if you’re left with any at the end of the day, it’s been a good one.

Unfortunately, you can’t carry any over into the next day. MS is cunning like that – you start each day right back at the beginning. There’s no saving them up, which is kind of hard to explain to other people. They might helpfully suggest, ‘oh, if you have a sleep now, you can go out later.’ You don’t get to choose when to sleep, you’re compelled to. I’ve had mornings when I wake up bright and breezy at 7am, and am zonked out on my sofa by 10am.

I’d like to expand this theory by allowing people with MS a second set of mallets per day, and here’s where it gets exciting. This second set can be used for when people say something totally ridiculous to you. Something along the lines of , ‘you’re still drinking Diet Coke? Don’t you know that probably caused your MS?’ or ‘wish I could sleep as much as you’. Yeah, right. Have this mallet over your head, you annoying person, you.

Obviously I’m not advocating actual violence, no matter how much you may be tempted. This is purely metaphorical. Since incorporating this theory into my life, I’ve had hours of fun. So, pass the theory on – anything to do with MS that can raise a smile can’t be bad.

 

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