You need to put in a lot of preparation work to do nothing. First up, food. I’ve spent hours on the computer putting together a shopping list for Ocado home delivery to save me the hassle of going to the shops.
With a brain functioning at less than zero, it was a Herculean task. I also Blame The Brain (TM) for the abundance of snacks and chocolate that found their way into my virtual basket and the lack of proper, grown-up things such as leafy green vegetables and washing up liquid.
Next, The Teenager. Unlike me, he’s had a busy week doing an awful lot and needs frequent cash injections and food (see above point). He’s also keeping me ‘entertained’ with a detailed breakdown and analysis of the upcoming football season, so I’ve had to try and concentrate as he throws in random pop quizzes to check I’ve been listening.
Then there’s the cat. She also wants feeding. On Tuesday, her Go-Cat crunchy biscuits didn’t quite fill the gap so she brought in a barely-alive bird and dropped it at my feet. I screamed, she ran away with the poor thing and proceeded to eat it, head first, outside my window, casting me triumphant glances as she munched away.
I am also not studying, not doing any housework, not getting rid of the cobwebs (18 and counting, plus two large, dead spiders spinning around, eww). I am busy lolling on my sofa, reading trashy magazines and watching trashy telly. This keeps me occupied for hours and hours, leaving no time to just do nothing. To break the monotony, I went with the boss to Ikea the other day to look at kitchens. I’ve never been one to turn down free meatballs.
I did nothing much at Ikea either but on my way through the Market Hall, I picked up a lamp I didn’t really need. Ikea does strange things to the mind. It’s virtually impossible to leave without buying anything, even if it’s just a 60p hotdog or a dustpan and brush set.
So that’s been my week. Next week I’m planning to do more of the same. It might look like I’m doing nothing but I’m rushed off my feet…