Tag Archives: pesky

It’s Not Right, Until It’s Alright

beginIf there’s one thing I’ve discovered from combing through my blog ready for publication, it’s that when you have a diagnosis of MS, you’ve got to cut yourself some slack.

If you’re unlucky enough to spend time in that awful waiting room, otherwise known as ‘Limboland’ (as I did) , you will understand this even more.

MS makes everything wrong – it messes up your life; your plans, your dreams, your work, your family. Yourself.

It’s just not right. It’s not fair.

I cried this out, over and over, when MS first appeared in my life, and for a long time after. How (insert swear word(s))?!?! How unjust. How dare MS intrude into my life in this way?

As people with lives, jobs, family, we desperately want to make everything … right again. Back on track.

And that is what coming to terms with MS is all about.

It’s not right. MS is indiscriminate. Thrown into chaos, we have to begin to make sense of our lives, from top to bottom.

There’s no easy way to do this. In my case, I had to grieve; everything I would never achieve, everything I was now not eligible for (medical insurance, life insurance, etc). My future with The Teenager. Not going to the beach on a beautiful day thanks to heat intolerance. Losing my job purely based on my diagnosis.

But grieving is ‘good’. Ok, it’s awful, but it also throws up our regrets. What could you miss? What can you do now? It can’t all be bad?

I’m not saying MS is good. It’s far, far from it. But if we have to embrace our unwelcome intruder, surely we should make it work for us?

With MS, our lives go wrong. Very, very wrong. But it won’t be right until it’s alright – we have to come to terms with it at some point. Why not sooner rather than later?

Tagged , , , , ,

Dear MS…

Dear MSDear MS,

Were you having a laugh? I used to speak three languages, yet that morning three years ago, I woke up unable to speak English.

You threw sand in my eyes and made me walk funny.

And I certainly didn’t want to have that MRI, nor the Medieval lumbar puncture that followed.

But, you know what? You’re here now, so I might as well get used to having you around, you pesky minx, you.

So, keep on making my hand numb (haha), keep on forcing me to sit down and fall asleep no matter what the situation (eek), keep on making me avoid any direct sunlight as if I were a vampire.

You are a parasite and I hate you. You have ruined my life. But sadly, you are part of me now so we might as well get on. I will accept the enforced sleep breaks, the dodgy walking, the tripping. But I will never, ever accept the worst you can throw at me. Who cares if I no longer speak fluent Norwegian? I can still read it, so ner ner ner ner ner.

Who cares if I can no longer write 3000 word essays? I graduated last year. Yah. Boo.Sucks.

You are a leech. You destroy everything you touch. Families, relationships, careers. You took everything from me  and you were unrelenting in your destructive mission.

So you chewed me up and spat me out, Dear MS. I lost my partner, my job, my career, most of my friends. But I win. I will be a better Me.

I didn’t ask for you to appear and gnaw at my nerve endings. It’s ironic. I feel you. I feel emotions. And that will not end, no matter what you throw at me.


Stumbling XXX


Tagged , , ,