Category Archives: Daily Life

Careful, Or You’ll End Up In My Novel…

starving artistThe life of a fledging, blossoming ‘writer’ – dramatic yet slightly pensive sigh – is not an easy one.

By day I don protective clothing and slide around in mud (sounds odd until you remember I work as a project manager for a builder, plus it rains a lot in Wales).

However come nightfall, I transmogrify into a wandering scribbler, jotting down the Remarkable  and not-so-Remarkable Things I Experienced Today.

Now I’m taking a course in Creative Writing, I’m learning to see the remarkable in the unremarkable and the unremarkable in the remarkable. I think. Confused? Me too.

In short, some kind of inspiration. So much so that I’ve become totes pretentious and have started to carry a battered notebook with me at all times. Unless I forget (easily done) in which case I send a text to myself, full or random ramblings.

Anyway, I digress. Essentially I lead quite a boring life, unless you count the mud, so I don’t really get to do exciting writeable things. Yet I have found that inspiration, words, phrases and a bit of other things strike when I least expect it. Seems however, my work-mates expect it.

Like today, we are currently working up a mountain and were sitting outside rushing to finish our coffee before the wind whipped it into a frappe. It was freezing but the clouds were stunningly beautiful. I pointed this out to my colleague, mesmerised and staring at the sky with misty eyes. He checked his phone, made his excuses and swiftly went back to banging bits of wood, muttering. Then the slabs of insulation danced and skittered in the wind, as if by an invisible hand (quickly scribble note).

‘There’s a story in that’ is my most commonly-used phrase at work, followed by ‘Shut up, boss, s’not funny. I tripped’.

However, in the last few weeks, I have upped the ante. After a particularly exhausting day keeping the boss in check, I told him in low Bond-villainnesque tones that I would put him in my novel, provisionally entitled, ”Two Bacon Butties To Go, Ta, And Go Easy on the Ketchup’.

Much to my dismay, he seemed delighted and played up to his role. So now I have to put up with even more Christmas songs on a loop courtesy of the evil elves at Smooth Radio and he has cut my caramel shortbread ration. Today we had fairy cakes. No comparison, even if they did come with plastic Santa Claus rings on top (which I collect and push into the air vents in the car).

So, no, the life of a struggling author/writer isn’t easy.

But! This challenge will surely be the making of me?

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Concealing The Unavoidable

StumblingI was ‘Getting The Teenager Ready For School’ the other day.

No mean feat.

Blazer? Grunt. Tie? Grunt. Lunch money? S’not enough, my mates get, like a tenner. AND they’re allowed to buy donuts.

Anyway, in the middle of this, just as I was adjusting the straps on his empty school bag yet again, I tripped over a rug, one of many in my house.

The Teenager looked horrified. I righted myself and attempted a casual laugh. ‘Oh, d’uh, pesky rug, who put that there?’.

‘Why do you always do that? Why can’t you be normal, like other parents? I hate it.’

I tried to reassure him that I hadn’t yet had my requisite three cups of coffee and was simply tired. And yes, part of MS is stumbling and tripping.

‘Yeah, and your point is? You’re always tired. You always stumble’.

‘Am not’.

‘Are so’.

‘Am not’.

I realised that perhaps this line of reasoning wasn’t particularly mature, so I bustled around him and waved him off with a cheery, ‘have a great day at school!’, while he made shoo-ing gestures to urge me back indoors, lest any of his friends see me.

The Teenager has coped admirably since MS came into his life when he was 11 and in the middle of transitioning to high school. Not the best time for it, but MS could never be deemed a polite intruder. He’s witnessed too much, no matter how hard I try to conceal things from him. At his age, kids just want everything to be normal. They don’t want their parents to be different.

Some may ask what on earth I’m doing; why not let him see MS in all it’s glory? It’ll make him a better person. More compassionate, more caring. Fair point, but not for us. As a divorced single parent, I am his mainstay and he deserves a childhood.

I hide a lot from him, as do many other parents with issues, be it lack of money, anxiety, job insecurities, relationship stress. We want the best for our children and as such I drip-feed information to him as and when I think it is necessary. I don’t keep him in the dark, but I am selective.

He really doesn’t need to know all the ins and outs, especially my fears and worries. Why would he? Why put that extra burden on him, especially at his age when he is going through vital exams? My son is not my confidant, he is my child. And if the utmost aim of parents is to protect our children, then I will do that as long as I possibly can.

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Erm, What Am I?

starvingOk, ok, violins out – my chosen career path is, well, dead. Withered. Mothballed and shoved to the back of a cupboard in the spare bedroom next to the Nordic walking poles.

Apart from the fact that there’s a distinct lack of translation jobs in Cardiff, not many companies are inclined to convert their English brochures into Norwegian. And why would they?

And that’s fine. Honest. Gulp. Takk, and all that.

So now, who exactly am I in the grand scheme of things?

Well, pull your Ikea chair closer, for I have The Answer.

I. Am. A. Writer.

I know, strange, huh? We had a new peep on board this week at our latest project. He took in my overalls, my notepad, my, ahem, probing questions about the job. And then he asked me what I did in my real life. Hmm. I stumbled. I stuttered, ‘well, I, like, you know, erm, blog?

‘You’re a writer then.’

‘Erm, ah, no, not really, I, you know, blog, kind of…..’

‘You’re a writer then?’

Oh.

*Pauses for a very, very long time to let this information digest, totally forgetting that I am enrolled on an MA in Creative Writing*

‘Erm, Yeah, s’pose. Never thought of it like, you know, ‘Writer’.

Eek. A writer?

A seductive thought. The clouds, they are very dark and they are bright. And dark! And light again.

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What? So What? Now What?

brain tabsOver the last few weeks, I’ve been speaking with someone who’s recently had an MS diagnosis.

With their permission, and anonymity, here’s what we talked about:

To begin with, I answered their questions about the practicalities of MS – the drugs, the DVLA, etc.

All well and good but it was clear that this person was struggling and trying to put a brave face on it. Like many of us, they had never faced such a seismic shift in their health and the impact it could have on everything in their life.

We talked some more, but it felt a bit ‘woolly’. Unusually, I had a minor brainwave, and thought about my current reflective essay for Uni. How could we harness this and develop a new plan, a reconsidered way of living, alongside reflecting upon and coming to terms with the diagnosis?

The reflective model I use is deceptively simple – What? So What? Now What?

What?what’s happened? How did you get to this point and what has happened along the way?

So What?what will happen as a consequence? What will change/stay the same? Which areas have been impacted the most?

Now What?what can we do next? How can we adjust and adapt to what’s happened? What will the future look like?

As a (very) brief example to ensure anonymity, here’s mine:

What?rapidly-evolving MS, constant relapses, diagnosis and swift decision needed regarding treatment. Partner leaves, the meanie. 

So What?bullied at work due to diagnosis, sacked, legal case, drastic change in health, need to find new job. Abandoned by some friends.

Now What? make sure The Teenager is ok. Work out what I really want to do, i.e. write. Learn WordPress and start blog. Find new job which will fit in to new lifestyle.

The beauty of this is that it allows you to empty everything onto a large sheet of paper, with just a few coloured Sharpies. The ability to pour out everything, all those niggles that float around at night and all those fears is truly cathartic. I wish I had done it back then; life may have been a lot simpler.

And, why stop there? It’s a great way of keeping up to date with yourself. Say, if you do this every year or so and keep your old reflections, it’s a fantastic way to see how far you’ve come. When I wrote my current one out last week, it seemed quite remarkable how much my life had changed, the majority of it for the better. Try it, you may just be surprised…

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Drowning, Not Waving

DunceOh dearie, dearie me. Oh my.

I started the Masters course in Creative Writing last week. How hard could it possibly be? I love reading. I love writing. Simple?

Er, no. I am a fish out of water. Or prawn. Squid?

It started so well. I made my way to induction, swimming and elbowing against the tide of children headed for the canteen. They were very, very young and I felt very, very old. Mumsy. Grey. Got my ID card. The woman who took my photo said, ‘you can smile you know love, it’s not Crimewatch.’

I grimaced, picked up my card and joined the young folk in the classroom. And I loved it – learning something new. Filled with enthusiasm, the first lecture loomed. Wasn’t too bad, took notes, swotted up. Then a different lecture about research. Without warning, the tutor switched to Swahili and the four hours passed in a blur of ‘why am I here, what am I doing and when will they unmask me and chuck me out?’

Then, the first writing assignment. I knew I could do this. I’ve been writing a form of flash fiction for two years with this blog, each post around 400 words but (hopefully) conveying so much more. I was chuffed with my effort, slaved over it, rewrote it, obsessed about it.

Let’s just say, I Don’t Get It. I am panicking. I wrote a terrible story. I adore my course, I love the research. I just don’t think I have what it takes.

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