I think, I hope, I have always been a conscientious parent.
Well, no longer.
For the first time in fifteen years, I have a black school-mark against my name.
I have helped to enter each competition, produced cakes, baked cookies, attended every single parent-child event.
I once spent an entire week recreating a medieval castle from cardboard, complete with stonework details and little characters and still came third. I forgot nothing. I prided myself on it. I have been to every event, every information evening, every exhibition.
All week. ALL WEEK in my diary – important meeting re. half term visit. Thursday.
I forgot.
The Teenager reminded me 5 minutes before. I grabbed the car keys, yelled for him but he slammed his bedroom door and sulked. I was still in my work’s gear. He didn’t want me anywhere near the school.
Hearing him through his door was a bit awkward:
- ‘I hate you’.
- ‘What’s wrong with you?’
- ‘Why don’t you remember anything important?’
I can’t argue with him – to do so would introduce too much he doesn’t need to know, in no particular order:
- Have I fed the cat?
- Why do I forget everything?
- Have I ordered groceries?
- Have I sent this/that/the other bill off?
- Does he have enough warm clothes for school trip?
- Does he have lunch money for tomorrow?
- Will he have a clean school shirt for the morning?
- What should I do about that mouldy patch in the bathroom?
- Has he sorted out his sixth-form application?
And more importantly,
- Am I there for him?
- Why do I forget everything?
- Am I present enough?
- Is my work/life balance ok?
And at the end of the list:
- How the hell am I coping with MS?????
- Why do I forget everything?
- Why are my legs cramping so badly they wake me up?
- Why am I in pain?
- What on earth does the future hold?
Being a single. divorced parent with MS was never going to be easy, but things like this bring me up short. I am failing. And how.