Oct 24 2012
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Work and Studying

Confused but Elated

Boardroom, 9am, yesterday morning. The Showdown.

Five minutes later, I’m in the car on the way home, blasting out music, giggling away to myself like a maniac. I am free.

To recap, on Monday I was dismissed from my job of two years on ‘health grounds’. It’s for my own good, of course. I was given no chance to bring a representative with me, which I believe is illegal and I mentioned that point several times during the meeting. They were prepared, I was taken completely unawares. I asked for two months and they said they would get back to me in the morning.

Tuesday morning. They agree to my ‘demands’ on the understanding that I will work from home. I am to go back in on Thursday morning to collect my belongings, pick up a memory stick full of the documents I need, give them a chance to gawp at the ‘sacked’ girl then leave behind that sad, sorry part of my life forever.

How do I feel? Shocked, confused, delirious with freedom from bullying. It’s a truly disgusting scenario and I still find it hard to digest. Can this really happen in 2012? I am confused as I suddenly have so many options. My world has opened up in a delicious way. I will no longer have to face day after day of endless criticism and exclusion. I no longer have to creep around, ‘apologising’ for my very existence and a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.

Will I take it further? I am speaking to an MS lawyer on Monday. I am going to keep all possible avenues open. But for now, I have 9 weeks of guaranteed income. I will be my own boss.

This will be a fresh start.

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Oct 23 2012
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Emotions

Pity Party for One

I had a pity party for one last night, so no proper post today and really don’t want to depress you all! With the The Smiths and The Cure playing in the background, I felt well and truly sorry for myself, but sometimes you just have to I guess. And the voodoo dolls I made really helped.

Normal service will resume tomorrow, I promise, and I will keep you all updated about work (or lack of it).

I’d really like to thank everyone for their lovely, encouraging comments, on here and on Shift-ms. It’s made a huge difference, knowing I’m not alone in this horrendous situation. You’ve all been amazing. See you tomorrow! X

 

 

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Oct 22 2012
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Work and Studying

Get Lost

Go AwayAnd so it has come to pass. I went to work this morning and was called in to the boardroom (after I had made everyone cups of coffee, natch).

Both bosses and little old me. I was told my job was no longer tenable and it was for my own good that I should leave. Bear with me on this one.

I was sacked for two reasons:

First, my job is not viable any more. Thanks largely to being stealthily stripped of my duties over the last year, so I agree with them on that point. Second, my ‘health problems’ mean I can no longer work at the office. What if I were to trip? What if I am too tired one day?

I know this is highly illegal. I know I should fight. And I did, kind of. I asked to be allowed to stay for two months, until I found another job and to see me over Christmas. They will let me know their decision in a day or so. One boss seemed stunned that I couldn’t just go ‘straight onto benefits’ and even suggested the time I would now have on my hands would be a positive thing for me. A bit of space. He obviously lives in Daily Mail world where all disabled people on benefits sit back and coin it in.

I pointed out several times that I should have been offered the chance to bring a representative with me, especially as they are sacking me primarily on grounds of health and they had obviously had the whole weekend to construct a dismissal plan. Gratifyingly, this seemed to alarm them, but it’s cold comfort.

I am still waiting to hear back from my last job interview – hoping to get lucky. But for now, I’m going to take my big box of tissues, a family-sized bar of chocolate and a bottle of red wine, sit on the sofa and cry my eyes out.

(if this is your first visit to my blog – check out ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ post from last week – it’ll explain the background to this sorry tale).

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Oct 22 2012
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Symptoms and Treatment

The Joy of Meds

I’ve been taking Pregabalin (Lyrica) for over a year now to help with the neuropathic pain I get from multiple sclerosis – the burning/buzzing/stabbing pains in my legs, feet and just about everywhere else, including in some…..odd places.

Just for good measure, I also take Omega 3 fish oil, Evening Primrose oil, multivitamins, vitamin B complex and vitamin C with zinc, so I rattle around a fair bit every morning.

A friend asked me recently what the pains felt like. Tricky to explain. Some days it’s as if I have mobile phones strapped to my feet, set to vibrate constantly. Other days it’s just endless tingling and waves of pulsing, throbbing  pain. Then there’s the stabbing pains in my shoulders, the twitching, the muscle ache.

It can feel like my body is one big marionette, pulled this way and that, controlled by something much bigger than me.

At my last MS clinic appointment, the nurse recommended the Lyrica is increased and two days ago I started the higher dose. There’s no discernible change as yet but I am hopeful. Mostly the pain is a dull, ever-present lurking shadow, following me everywhere and I am learning to live with it. But sometimes, I just want it to stop. Even just for an hour, so I can remember what it was like before all this started. A whole hour with no jerking, twitching, burning, stabbing, buzzing.

The biggest side effect of Lyrica for me is an increased appetite. I know, I know, I should eat more fruit, stock up on boiled eggs and always have a handful of nuts in my pocket. I really try. According to the leaflet that comes with Lyrica, this can affect more than one person in 100.

The leaflet makes for fascinating  and thought-provoking reading. Lyrica’s other side effects include – tiredness, tingling feeling, clumsiness, tremor, lethargy, problems with balance, feeling drunk, abnormal style of walking, jerky movements, difficulty finding words, muscle twitching, muscle stiffness,  and  slow or reduced movement of the body.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Sounds very familiar…

Oct 21 2012
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Daily Life

How to Drink with MS…

Kermit DrunkOne of the more socially annoying aspects of having multiple sclerosis is that I am suddenly a very cheap date. A couple of glasses of my favourite tipple, dry white wine, and I’m zooming away into oblivion. Or more often than not, maudlin and tearful. ‘Why meeeeee’, I’ll wail, filling up my glass to the brim and wiping my smeared mascara all over my face. ‘Don’t wanna have MS, s’not fair’.

So, as with many other things in my life now, I have to be creative and think of new ways of doing things. I have now solved the alcohol conundrum. And I no longer argue with lamp posts.

I have cunningly switched from white wine to red. I can’t drink red wine quickly, so I drink far less than I would if it were white. Clever, eh? Plus, it gives me a much more mellow feeling than white, so rather than wailing, I simply ponder how my life has changed. Like a proper grown up.

On Friday night, with The Teenager at a sleepover, I put this new-found knowledge to the test. My friend took me out to a lovely old gastro-pub in the countryside. We shared a bottle of red. Lovely. And we had a very grown-up sophisticated conversation, catching up on our week. Sipping my wine thoughtfully, I made interesting and insightful comments.

At the next place, a cafe-slash-wine bar (car now safely deposited at home), we shared another bottle and had yet more intelligent conversation. And I even managed to go to the loo without stumbling. Finally, we had a night-cap at a pub, sitting outside. I felt smugly superior to the clearly-drunk women staggering around, clutching glasses of white wine, yelling at passing cars.

I was feeling very proud now, and congratulated myself on being such a responsible adult. So maybe we shouldn’t have popped into the late-night supermarket on the way home .

Waking up the next morning with a dry throat and slightly trembling hands, I went downstairs and found the previous night’s spoils. A packet of Hallowe’en cakes, two supersize bags of crisps, an unopened bottle of red wine and an exercise magazine. Muppet.

 

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