Jan 22 2015
2 Comments
Daily Life

The One About the Courgettes

courgettesI am a walking, stumbling slapstick comedy.

I’m desperately trying to see the funny side but yesterday took the biscuit (or courgette, now I’ve gone over to the Paleo side).

The shelves in my kitchen are groaning under the weight of vegetables so yesterday I decided to tidy them into neat heaps, reds/purples to one side and greens on the other with mushrooms and onions somewhere in between.

I found myself with a courgette in each hand and paused momentarily to give them a gentle squeeze – ‘cook tonight? Can I bear another courgette spiralized into tasty noodles?’

Having made my decision, ‘nah, not tonight’, I turned to pop them on the green pile. However, my left leg decided to stay where it was (such is the contrary, tantrum-y behaviour of MS), next to a curtain hanging over the back door to keep out the Welsh damp and random mice entrails dumped by the cat – a rather fetching print of bookshelves. Anyway, the last thought that went through my mind was, ‘must save the courgettes’.

I twisted, pesky leg still refusing to behave, caught my other leg in the curtain, spun in a circle and landed face down on my kitchen floor, courgettes held aloft. I lay there, gazing at the ceiling before hurling the courgettes against the fridge, where they bounced off and landed on the kitchen table, knocking my coffee over and scattering post-it notes.

Courgettes are dangerous.

It wasn’t the best MS day yesterday – a lot of my symptoms are ramping up and it’s getting harder to keep them under control. After the Courgette Incident, I had to go to the surgery for my monthly Alemtuzumab blood test. Perhaps sensing I had a day off work, my feet decided to do a little American line dance rather than behave. I jigged into the surgery, danced in front of the electronic booking-in computer, took a seat and watched as my feet twitched and jerked. Fun.

It was also, of course, my first day back in Uni after the Christmas break. We were a packed class, rapt as we listened to the history of the Flâneur (basically a nosy people-watcher from the last century who then writes about it). Trying to look semi-intelligent, I rested my face on my hand, elbow on the desk. Out of nowhere, my fingers started to twitch so badly it looked like I was sending dodgy signals to the tutor.

I sat on them. Wish I’d done the same to the courgettes.

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Jan 19 2015
10 Comments
Emotions

My Own Kilimanjaro

KilimanjaroI’ve been a wee bit down recently – thinking about all those peeps with MS I read about who’ve done remarkably astounding things, such as climb Kilimanjaro or walk the Great Wall of China.

Or abseil, sky-dive, bungee-jump, fire-walk.

All this adrenalin was making me feel somewhat inadequate. I want to do these things, I guess I’m just a coward.

But over lunch in work today (blueberries, strawberries, chicken and egg muffins – s’Paleo), I realised something. Apart from the fact that the boss was chomping loudly on a Gregg’s pasty right next to me, followed by a chocolate sponge cake and clearly enjoying every minute of it.

We all have a personal Kilimanjaro. MS shoves us out our comfort zone and all of us, I bet, have done things we never thought we’d do before diagnosis. Not just the big, spectacular things, but the small things that ultimately add up to life-changing experiences.

In my case, I learned to relax about housework. I began to take each day as it comes (not as easy as it sounds). I started to truly see life for how wonderful it is, despite everything. It’s as close to a near-death experience as I’m going to get (for the second time – long story).

With MS (and any other serious illness) , I think we get the chance to rewrite our life-plan, some parts of our own choosing, some we are compelled to take on board. We are forced to adapt to limitations and prejudice, yet we are also presented with the opportunity to try things we’ve always wanted to do but never taken further than idle daydreams. What do we have to lose when we’ve lost so much already? We can only gain by not just allowing MS to shove us out our comfort zone, but by taking ourselves out of it too.

My bigger Kilimanjaro is writing. I’ve written all my life and promised myself that one day, some day, at a vague, distant point in the future, I would do something about it. Perhaps. Well, thanks to an overflow of MS emotions, helped along by a huge dollop of anger at being bullied at work for having the cheek to have MS, I started my blog. And a couple of years later I thought, hey, maybe I can write? So I started an MA in Creative Writing. And then I thought, maybe I could turn my blog into a book. So I am.

If MS is in your life, pinpoint your own personal Kilimanjaro. It probably won’t be too far from something you always wanted to do …

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Jan 15 2015
8 Comments
Daily Life

Paleo for Schmucks

paleopicThis Paleo malarky is taxing my brain.

I’ve read everything I can get my hands on, I’ve raided the local fruit and veg shop and The Teenager can’t find his yoghurts in the fridge without foraging through bags of curly kale and spinach.

I’ve scoured Gumtree and am now the proud owner of a juicer (ok, not strictly Paleo, but I’m easing myself in gently). I have also bought a spiralizer gadget thing which I tried out yesterday; after grating my fingers over and over I finally figured out how to make carrot ‘spaghetti’, yum.

I made a packed lunch for work today, eschewing my usual carb-laden fare and pulled out my brand new salad box (with detachable dressing pot) and started munching away on my carrots before moving on to four chicken drumsticks. I also turned down a pastry and snacked on nuts instead. Unheard of.

So far, so good. I’m feeling virtuous and renewed, and it’s only Day Two. I’ve read that Paleo can be excellent for MS although some of the internet posts verge on the fanatical and are a little worrying. According to some of them, by not doing Paleo before, I’ve been compromising my health and making my MS worse. I even – if you can actually believe this – read that the Paleo lifestyle, i.e. living clutter-free and calmly, can cure MS. Oh, really?

I like the idea of Paleo, eating a more natural diet, cutting out the wheat, etc. It’s basic and it makes sense. And that’s where it stops for me. None of this forum nonsense with people posting questions such as, ‘I weakened and had a Dairylea Triangle and now I’m devastated, how can I overcome my feelings of shame?’. Or, ‘can I feed my cat a Paleo diet?’

For now, I’m going to stick to the 80/20 rule, i.e. for newbies like me, Paleo 80% of the time and treats the rest, even a Dairylea Triangle if I fancy it. Or some chocolate cake. Sigh. Will I stick to it? I reckon so, as long as I relax about it. Since my thyroid’s been playing up I’ve had the unparalleled joy of losing two stone rapidly then piling most of it on again. I spent a couple of weeks in my skinny jeans and loved it, but it was the wrong way to lose weight.

This time, I’m going to do it properly. And reward myself along the way …

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Jan 13 2015
8 Comments
Blogging

Lost In Time

PaleoI’ve been thinking about turning my blog into a book for a while now – pulling together a series of posts into a (hopefully) coherent diary. My aim is to help other people see that, despite MS,  life goes on.

What could be simpler? I have two years of blog posts and there’s a plot. Plus The Teenager has a starring role.

Well, who knew the whole process could be quite so emotionally draining? I’ve read every single word of my blog. I’ve laughed, I’ve cringed, I’ve cried.

To go through the whole ‘journey’ again has been hard, but rewarding. It’s great to see how far I’ve come, but it’s upsetting to see what I had to go through to get here.

But isn’t that the same for all of us, when we look back? We thought we’d never get through it, but somehow, we do. Life is very different, but often in positive ways, not just the negative. Although I am now acutely aware just how much I talk about chocolate. And cake. And bacon butties.

Anyway, I have whittled down the blog posts by around 60% (I also talked about my cat far more than I should have). Easier than it sounds, as I had to still keep the thread going so people don’t read it and think, ‘huh? Why is she suddenly driving around on a mini-digger?’

So, I am in the middle of proof-reading (very, very embarrassing – my grammar is often appalling) and cover-designing. And writing an author bio without sounding pretentious (moi?). I also have to write an introduction, choose a price, choose layout, page size, photograph, etc. And all before Uni starts back next Wednesday, when I will once again be drowning in a sea of books I haven’t read beyond the back covers.

In a bid to super-charge my life through this period, I have been flirting with the Paleo diet, after so many people recommended it for MS. I thought it was the answer to everything – an eating plan focusing on meat, vegetables and fruit. Visions of Kentucky Fried Chicken boxes with fries popped up in my mind, as did apple cake. And my beloved bacon butties. The books I had eagerly ordered from the local library soon put paid to that idea.

As I write and ponder upon my book introduction, I am munching on a chicken drumstick, skin removed, no batter. For dinner, I am having grilled salmon with mushrooms and spinach. I’m easing myself in gently though (the book says 80% for newbie-Paleo-fatties like me), so my 20% will be a handful of After Eights, left over from Christmas….

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Dec 27 2014
4 Comments
Daily Life

A Codeine Christmas, Meh…

SantaA couple of days before Christmas I was booked in for a thyroid appointment.

I’d injured my back quite badly the day before (long story, pesky foot drop).

Blinking back tears of self-pity, I begged the doctor to put me out my misery, aside from confirming my fears that my thyroid was indeed back to normal, hence my superwoman appetite and sudden fondness for strips of beef jerky. Ewww.

She took in my tragic face, hunched posture and outstretched hand and wrote a prescription for codeine.

I stumbled to the chemist, had it filled, took the precious box home and popped out two. And waited.

Within minutes I was floating away on a cloud of pink sparkly bubbles; the pain had all but disappeared and I was gently bobbing along, sighing from absolute bliss. I floated on to my sofa, snuggled down and decided to have a quick kip.

I woke three hours later, drugged and mumbling incoherently. Oops.

The pain returned the next day, and the next. On Christmas Day, I limited myself to two (out of a possible eight, eek). My mum gave me The Dangers of Codeine Lecture, which I half-listened to while stroking the packet in front of me. Pain? Or codeine? Hmmm.

The Big Day was wonderful. Me and my cousin popped out for a couple of hours, and I dragged Santa Clause away from the hotel lift where he was desperately pushing the up button ahead of a horde of kids following him. ‘Yay! Santa selfie!’ You can see his, um, friendly reaction to my ambush.

Back at my mum’s I started to feel odd(er). Whoozy. She took off my Santa hat and tucked me into her bed (bless) and told me to sleep. Another three hours went by, meh. After waking, groggy, puffy-faced and semi-coherent, I reluctantly agreed to wave goodbye to my Codeine frenemy. MS meds and codeine don’t mix plus I was getting a bit fed up of floating in and out of reality, however tempting.

So now, a couple of days after Christmas, I am semi-pain-free, but taking every opportunity to say ‘oof’ every time I move, i.e. a metre to the left to grab the box of Quality Street I’ve hidden from The Teenager under a throw (breakfast).

I miss the codeine. I miss the oblivion. I just hope Santa isn’t telling his Elves, ‘honestly, this weird Glaswegian, like, attacked me. Thank goodness it’s over for another year.’

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