It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in flat shoes will forever remain a frumpy, dumpy singleton. According to Amanda Platell anyway.
The journalist and previous press secretary to William Hague when he was leader of the Conservatives, has been reduced to bashing out sexist tosh in an article ‘How a week in flatties left me feeling SO low‘ (how the mighty have fallen, eh?).
The piece is disguised as an ‘experiment’ of a life-long high-heel addict testing flat shoes for a week. In reality, it is a two-pronged call to arms for women to a) attract a man and b) strive to appear slimmer (to attract a man).
Amanda’s verdict – in suitably childish, petulant language, ranges from ‘….he looked at me as though I was Frodo’s mum: a short, portly hobbit with weird feet’ to ‘(I was) walking flat-footed like a duck – and looking like one too’ to ‘flatties make you a fattie’. Incisive journalism at it’s best.
To ram the point home, she descends into even more offensive language. After testing a pair of £149 black velvet slippers from Pretty Ballerinas and being teased by a friend more used to seeing her in heels, she writes, ‘The ignominy, the shame. A slut who leaves home in her slippers! Move over, Vicky Pollard.’
So according to Amanda, if you wear flats, you’re not only a frump, but a frumpy slut. Furthermore, women in flat shoes have no hope of ever finding love. We must put our own needs to one side and strive to revert to the bad old days of dressing for men. Amanda is clear on this – ‘while women might love the comfort and stylish insouciance of flat shoes, men hate them. They’re just not sexy. There was never a pair of ‘kiss me quick’ or ‘fancy me’ flat shoes. They don’t exist.’
Who is this more offensive to – men or women? I’d be seriously worried if I met the man of my dreams and he spent the entire time looking longingly at my feet, rather than gazing in to my eyes and actually engaging in conversation.
She can keep her pathetic Cinderella fantasies, forever waiting for her Prince Charming to turn up, stiletto heel in hand. As for me, flats may limit my clothing choices, but they certainly haven’t dulled my brain. Jog on, Amanda. If you can….