Tag Archives: getting older

About as Useless as a…

One of the best things about the weekend newspapers are those ‘innovation’ catalogues that fall out of them. You know, the ones with all those amazing items you can’t believe you’ve lived a whole lifetime without.

I must be getting older (can’t blame everything on the MS) as my ritual now is to make a nice cup of tea, choose a biscuit, settle on the sofa and jot down all the things that will make my life so much easier and more fulfilling. Here’s my latest list:

  1. Hands-free vegetable and fruit peeler – which, they say,will be the envy of my dinner party guests. That’ll make for an exciting party then, eh?
  2. A traditional barometer in classic brass and mahogany. Measures atmospheric pressure in millibars and hect-pascals. A grateful customer is quoted, ‘invaluable as it lets me know whether I need a cardigan or coat whilst gardening’. Lovely.
  3. A mop that spins itself dry! Comes with foot pump and centrifugal spinning system. They promise that once I use it, I will never want another mop!
  4. A foot stool with floral padded cushion that even stores my telly remotes. With four lockable castors, it’s not available in the shops!

If I order now, I can choose a free LED torch and if I spend over £30, I can claim a set of 2 ceramic potato bakers for just £2.99. Will I place my order? Um, no. I can peel my vegetables just fine, I check my weather app every day, the remote lives on the sofa arm and I don’t have space for a huge mop bucket. Even if it is centrifugal.

But I will still write up a new list, next weekend, just for the fun of it.


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