You’d think, wouldn’t you, that what with teenagers uploading photos of everything they do, it would be fairly simple to ask my own Teenager to have his photo taken?
Just one teeny problem with this; the photo would be with me.
His Mother.
Apparently, this is so far beyond the realms of excruciatingly embarrassing as to be virtually unimaginable.
I brought up the subject gently, i.e. I stood guard by the fridge as he crashed through the door after school, shedding bag, blazer and tie in a path of devastation towards the kitchen.
‘Erm, you know how I’m turning the blog into a book?’
‘Huh’? Muuuuuuuuum, lemme open the fridge. Starvin’.
‘Well, you’re in the blog quite a lot and I think it would be lovely if we had a photo of both of us? Oi, one bagel, not three.’
He glanced up from the toaster with a look of absolute horror on his face. I guessed this wasn’t going to plan.
‘I’ve got a few ideas….’
‘No way. Noooooooo way. Where’s the butter?’
‘Here. Go on (wheedling voice), I’m dedicating the book to you. Got a few ideas. And I don’t even mind if you pull a silly face behind my back, like you normally do?’
‘Lame. Way lame.’
‘Ok, how about we stand back to back?’
‘Lame -er.’
I dropped it. Christmas is just round the corner, maybe we could get someone to take a sneaky photo or ten?
This could quite possibly be the biggest challenge of the entire book project. Not the editing down from several hundred pages of blog posts. Not choosing which font to use or writing an introduction. Or writing a blurb about me (eek) – first or third person?
No, it will be coercing The Teenager into a photograph in less than three takes.
And there was me thinking I could pose with a book, pen (which is strange as I use a computer to write the blog posts, natch) and a slightly melancholy, whimsical look on my face. Perhaps at an angle, with arty shadows. I could even learn how to wear a beret with sophistication and elegance.
Maybe we could have separate photos?
Or maybe I should just hire a cartoonist to sketch us. Could be simpler?