Here We Go Again …

RelapseYou know how it starts, that ‘whoops, where’d my brain go?’ sensation.

That out-of-the-world feeling, the disconnection, along with the overwhelming fatigue, stumbling, mangled words, etc.

It must be Relapse Time.

MS has flicked through it’s malicious diary, thought, ‘hmm, let’s see, last one was in …. oh yes, February. I’m thinking August sounds about right. Bring it on and let the games begin’.

It startedΒ three days ago and I’m struggling to get the bare minimum done. And by bare minimum, I mean barely getting by with the minimum. The washing basket is overflowing, the paperwork is mounting up and I’m re-reading the same page of my novel over and over again. Some bright spark chose ‘A Suitable Boy’ by Vikram Seth for our next book club. 1500 pages. I may have to Wiki it.

On the other hand, The Teenager is having a fabulous time shouting out, ‘watch the wall!’, ‘d’oh, there goes another plate’ and ‘nah, don’t understand what you’re saying, soz, that’s not even a word, muvver.’

Luckily at work on Friday, there were loads of people on site, so I was able to sit in a corner pretending to look at complex building plans. Whenever anyone walked past, I whipped out a pencil and appearedΒ to be calculating steel beams and floor boards. I got away with it. Back home, I stumbled to my sofa, collapsed and lay there for three hours.

I physically couldn’t get up. I wanted to, I needed to get stuff done, make dinner, appear normal, be a mum. I simply couldn’t. The Teenager came downstairs, modelling his newest t-shirt. I cocked an eye open, told him how lovely it was and apologised. What more could I do?

The next day, I woke up, yawned, went out for the essentials, yawned, came back home and went back to sleep. When I woke, I yawned and thought about going back to sleep. I stumbled to the kitchen, yawning, dropped a plate (this one bounced) then back to the sofa. And repeat.

The only ‘good’ (and I hesitate to use that word) thing about a relapse is that it concentrates the mind right down toΒ the base level. If you can just drag yourself through the day, that’s an achievement. Nothing else matters. All the stress of the last few weeks means nothing when you’re gripping bannisters and falling over in the kitchen.

The aim is to get through this as quickly as possible, to yank my brain back from it’s wanderings. To rein in all the physical symptoms so that they’re more manageable. In short, to become me again.

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26 thoughts on “Here We Go Again …

  1. Jadey_Baby2 says:

    Calm down missis πŸ™‚
    Yea, its annoying as all hell, but you, I and everyone with MS all know it will pass… πŸ™‚

    Lets just call it a bout of, em… thrush? I know that with a pill, it stops and goes away, and this is NOTHING like Thrush, but I just wanted to stop you from stressing, which ultimatly will makes things worse! πŸ™

    Things will be okay!! Keep smiling!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I’ll try!

      Sure, it’s annoying – GCSE results are out this month and I have to be on top form.
      Plus both our birthdays πŸ™‚
      x

  2. tori says:

    Hope you feel better soon! In the meantime, get lots of rest, order a ton of chocolate and watch funny things on the tv. This gets me through πŸ™‚ xx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thank you!
      It’s just awful – relapses as the only parent are terrible. But we’ll get through it!
      I bought a lot of dark chocolate the other day, so it’s definitely helping, lol.
      x

  3. hope it passes soon, but in the mean time don’t beat yourself up too much about sleeping a lot, your body needs it.

  4. Jonny says:

    It WILL pass….just hang in there. I fed the Seagulls on our first day of the annual sailing competition…and it passed….a cup of rosy lee on land did the trick! I know seasickness is not the same as ….IT, you know… BUT………….

    Salty SeaDog

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Yup, it’s like feeling seasick! Got the nausea and vertigo back big time.
      Funnily enough, tea does the trick for me too.
      x

  5. Jadey_Baby2 says:

    3/4 of a year and still no relapse… that can’t be good… can it?! :-E I don’t think it is, cuz the next relapse will prob’s be major?!?… :-((( *sigh*

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Not necessarily!! Easy for me to say, but try not to worry about something that might not happen πŸ™‚
      x

      • just chiming in..I don’t think not having had a relapse for a long time makes a difference in the severity of one if you do have one. could be wrong but no one has ever mentioned that to me before. it all depends on the area that is effect by a lesion

        • stumbling in flats says:

          Excellent point. I haven’t heard either that the length between relapses will make a difference.
          Plus, although my sad little blog article might suggest otherwise, I think relapses do get easier to manage as time goes on. I’m certainly not quite as terrified as I was before, just saddened that I can’t get stuff done!
          x

          • Jadeybaby2 says:

            Agreed everyone! Relapses, though annoying do get slightly more comfortable to manage! πŸ™ STILL sucks though haha πŸ™

          • stumbling in flats says:

            It does. I factor in treats, i.e. my dark chocolate (which is healthy! Well, better than my usual Maltesers and family-sized Dairy Milk).
            x

          • Jadeybaby2 says:

            Although I’m rather under weight… (Always have been) I still eat a little chocolate from time to time! I just don’t find it desirable anymore! :-O :-/ πŸ™

          • stumbling in flats says:

            I wish that was me! Although, I have to say that the more I cook healthy food, the more I want to eat healthier food. Which is lovely. Not that I was totally unhealthy before, but now I’m way more veg-based.
            x

          • Jadeybaby2 says:

            Happy to hear that!! πŸ™‚

          • stumbling in flats says:

            Yup, don’t worry!
            x

          • Jadey_Baby2 says:

            SO very true! πŸ™‚

          • stumbling in flats says:

            πŸ™‚
            x

        • Jadeybaby2 says:

          Let’s hope not chaps! Ms is NOT. Death sentence just highly annoying! :-((

          • stumbling in flats says:

            Absolutely. We just get on with it, lol. Always good to have a moan and get it off our chests though!
            x

  6. MellyHopps says:

    Reading ‘A Suitable Boy’ (which has the teensiest tiniest writing!) whilst simultaneously dealing with a relapse is just being cruel to yourself. You made me chuckle – we had a similar ‘error’ as our first book of book club…mostly because on Amazon, you only see the book in 2D! Epic fail. I still haven’t finished it and it’s been 4 years… I applaud your determination and perseverance! Wishing you better.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thank you!
      It’ll definitely be an epic undertaking. A friend gave a me a handy print-out detailing all the families, which makes me worry even more, lol.
      x

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