Mind you, ‘tired’ doesn’t even begin to describe it – that’d be a bit like saying you’re a tad sleepy when in fact you’ve been poleaxed by MS fatigue. Utterly, thoroughly, totally exhausted would be more apt. Drained of energy, flat battery, squashed, deflated.
Since I got back from hospital on Wednesday afternoon, I have wobbled unsteadily between my sofa, my bed, the fridge and microwave. Right now, these are the four cornerstones of my daily life, with regular medication punctuating the long hours in between. Alongside all my usual pills, I need to take anti-histamines four times a day for a week and anti-virals twice a day for a month. If I had the energy to jump up and down, I’d rattle.
I feel nauseous and spaced out. Thoughts float through my mind on fluffy white clouds and float back out again. The world is either moving a second too slow or a second too fast. I can’t work out which. Everything is slightly fuzzy round the edges.
I have little five-minute pockets of energy,when I raise myself from the sofa and slowly pinball around the house finding little jobs to do, just so I feel I’m doing something. Only problem is, I forget halfway through what I was meant to be doing. I stand for minutes, staring at a pair of socks in my hands. What am I supposed to do with them? Or, why am I holding an empty toilet roll?
The steroids don’t seem to have left my system quite yet either, so I wake up in the middle of the night and still have a ravenous appetite. I’m like a locust, stripping food cupboards bare. Half a packet of digestives, circa last year? Yes please. Two bits of dried apricot stuck together? Nom nom.
All this to one side though, I am thankful that at least I know I will feel better very soon, unlike a relapse when it’s anyone’s guess. There is a definite end in sight.