Basket Case

never take a teenager shoppingI’m not a fan of supermarket shopping and I should have been suspicious when The Teenager jumped at the chance to accompany me the other day.

I haven’t given up online shopping, but my mum mentioned she had seen some artificial grass in a supermarket nearby and it was selling out fast.

It was one of those cut-price supermarkets – no frills, no helpful staff, prison-style strip lighting and pushy customers shoving their trolleys into any legs that had the audacity to get in their way of grabbing the last bottle of Lambrusco or tin of discounted baked beans.

‘Muuuuuuuuuuuuum, can I have a bag of donuts?’


‘Two donuts?’


One?’ (sad face)

‘Just let me find the blinking grass and we’re out of here. What? Oh, alright then. ONE.’

I found the grass and tried to juggle four rolls of the stuff in my arms when The Teenager came back with a basket, one donut lying forlornly in the middle.

‘Why do you need a basket for your donut?’

‘Er. Um. Pepsi’s cheap, only 25 pence a can and I never have pop and everyone else in school has pop in the house and it’s not fair that everyone else in school gets to have pop and I don’t and I really think it’s so cheap that it would be really nice if for once I could have some pop in the house so I’m just like all my friends and won’t feel so different from everyone else. See?’

‘Oh really?’

‘Yeah. Pleeeeeeaaaaaassssssse? Just say ‘stop’ at the number of cans I can have? Tennineeightsevensixfivefourthree…’

‘THREE. You can have three. One a day for the next three days as a treat. Then it’s checkout.’

We queue up, offload the grass, Pepsi and solitary donut.



‘You don’t even know what I was going to say.’

‘Yes. I. Do.’

‘Awwwwww. Can I just get one tiny packet of chewing gum? Everyone else in school gets to have chewing gum and….’

‘STOP. Don’t go any further. I know exactly what you’re going to say. I’m your mum. I’m a mind-reader.’


‘Right, put the donut and the Pepsi back then.’

And so on and so on. And that is yet another good reason for never, ever going supermarket shopping…

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8 thoughts on “Basket Case

  1. Julie says:

    This is why I shop online – when I can get my head round paying a delivery charge and accepting that someone else will be choosing my fruit and veg! I am sure they just blindly grab the first item their hand falls on rather than browsing the crate and picking the one with the most perfect skin/colour/ripeness/size etc.
    If I can’t bring myself to do it, the alternative is either taking one of the kids to push the trolly for me (mum can I have…. mum can I have…. mum can I have)or going with my parents! He who is very impatient and can’t wait to go home, and she who is brisk and keeps suggesting items.
    Then when I get it home the fun really starts. Two of us has allergies, two are fussy, one of us needs to lose weight, two of us has a big appetite and so on. I am finding the whole thing quite an ordeal these days and confusing.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I know exactly what you mean! I get very confused going round supermarkets these days – way too much choice for my MS-brain to understand. With online shopping I just write a list throughout the week and stick to it.
      I knew the minute my son offered to go with me that he had a plan up his sleeve. I won’t be making that mistake again in a hurry!

  2. Haha — teens sure are tricky! They seem to forget that WE were once teens (albeit AGES ago) too.

    I must know because I’m incredibly nosy: what’s artificial grass used for? Am trying to be imaginative and failing miserably. All I came up with is for Easter baskets. Or a mini-golf course.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I have a tiny little backyard which is looking a bit grotty, so thought if I laid artificial grass, it would cheer it up! But first I’ve got to get my gutters cleaned, as every time it rains, it dumps moss and stuff all over the place. Watch this space – I may take before and after pictures!

      • Sally says:

        We have tiny city garden here in Brusels and the grass always just looked turfed up so we had artificial grass laid last year. Bloody marvellous stuff. We had a company do it. We picked a mid price range one that is that realistic length (for our house anyway 🙂 so when you look you think it is just on the edge of needing cut. One of the best things we have done. The difference is amazing. Beautiful geen grass that the neighbours cat can’t destroy with pee and my 8 year old cant destroy with his football

        • stumbling in flats says:

          Sounds fabulous! Low maintenance, lol. My backyard is teeny-weeny, so just went for the cheap option. It’s barely big enough for a table and chairs! But I love it and it cheers up a previously drab little space. Just wish I could have the back door open, but got to keep new cat in for at least 4 weeks…

          • Sally says:

            The best bit is you just brush it with a broom to keep it clean. Tend not to do that in the middle of the day in case the neighbours see me doing that. 🙂 the bumph says you can even Hoover it. Can just hear the neighbours now. Zat mad Scottish lady with the sparkly stick is now hoovering of the grass. I sink dat she has more problems dan just her legs.

          • stumbling in flats says:

            Ha! Oh yes. They already think I’m odd I think. I showed my neighbour my grass and he just looked at me in astonishment, lol. but yes, I will be hoovering it and then they will know for sure.
            Maybe I should get another black cat??

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