Been there, done that …

gutterAs I was lying sprawled on the gravel at work, still holding two (thankfully empty) coffee cups, I promised myself, ‘this time, it’ll be different.’

Rewind a day or so and the first inkling something wasn’t quite right came when I floated away.

I hate that feeling. I’m here, but not quite. It’s my relapse calling-card.

My hands played up, a grabbing-arcade-machine-gone-awol. I misjudged my steps, I tripped countless times and scuffed my brand new shoes. I was exhausted beyond belief. On Saturday, I literally could not get up off the sofa from 2pm til 9pm, despite all my efforts.

I was gripped by fear – fear that The Teenager would notice, fear that I couldn’t function, fear that I was immobile and couldn’t do a thing about it. So I lay there, invisible threads of absolute fatigue snapping into place all around me.

Late that evening, I finally managed to crawl into bed and collapsed.

Relapses, a spike in symptoms, an exacerbation, a blip, whatever it is when it comes to MS, whatever it’s termed, it’s dire and we don’t always need an MRI to prove it, although in my case they usually do.

I had a pocket of energy after work the other day, so ploughed my way through three lots of laundry, laid bark in the garden and cooked up a massive batch of chicken. I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, fed the cat, placed a food order, caught up with paperwork. I was dying inside but there was no alternative. After that, I collapsed.

I’ve learned to get one step ahead of a relapse. I hate being inactive on the sofa ( I hate my sofa so much it’s unreal). But I know it has to happen, no matter how much it kills me. I think if I can do everything possible, I will guarantee I’ll be able cope if something even worse happens in the next few days. It’s the ‘Single Parent With MS’ Dilemma. But at least the laundry’s done, and the t-shirt that makes The Teenager’s muscles really stand out is fresh and ready to wear. It’s priorities.

Back to the gravel. I lay stunned. The boss shouted down to me from the roof he was working from. My body had taken a huge whack and the pain was immense.

I had to get up. And you know what? I did. And for that I will be forever grateful as not all of us with MS could say that. So, as long as I’m able, I will treat relapses with the contempt they deserve.

Been there, done that …

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12 thoughts on “Been there, done that …

  1. Judy Epstein says:

    Big applause!!! Take care.

  2. Toni says:

    Can I pinch your quote?!, I haven’t face planted gravel, but an MS relapse…been there done that and I feel your fatigued, snail pace, brain fog pain!. Why can’t we be superwoman for a few hours, and do the tasks which healthy people feel are mundane tasks, without having to suffer for it the next hr after completion!…but oh no, we must still pace, do what we can and not over do it…easier said than done, and I to am slowly learning!. Now, you know what you need to do, so I won’t tell you how to suck eggs. :). So, rest my friend. Let the couch/bed be your new BFF for as long as it takes, and maybe enjoy another of the teenagers culinary delights?!. T.x

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Please do!!!
      Face-planting gravel was an, um, experience!
      I am soooooooo tired, it’s unreal. Teenager has expanded his cooking – we’re on to gammon steaks, rice and frozen peas 🙂
      I’m heading for bed soon – Teenager is out with friends, at the beach …

  3. Toni says:

    And not an experience you want to repeat anytime soon!. Wow. The teenager is doing well!. Least your getting fed…:). I know how tired you are, so do what you need to do. I always sing Knocked Down by Chumbawamba (remember them), when MS wants to have a fight with me!! Lol. There isn’t any doubt, but sleep well!. X

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Definitely not!
      Am trying to stay positive!! I’ts kind of working.
      And The Teenager is probably flexing his muscles on the beach tonight!

  4. Toni says:

    Yeah, positive is good. I always seem to have river of tears which like to flow and flow during a relapse!!. Wake up. Cry. See my man. Cry. Read a text message. Cry. And so it goes for 24 hrs!.oh well. Crying is good I guess. Haha. Bless the muscley teenager! Hope he has a fun evening. Now go to bed!. :).x

  5. Jonny says:

    I’ve found it! The Sewer connection to the house….which I covered up ~ 10 years ago, with…..wait for it GRAVEL! I new I saw it (he sewer) away back then! This time I looked for it extra stealthily…….(no choice!). O how I love to remind my friend how he smashed up the sewers at the back His house the time he was making a patio. A 14 lb sledge hammer can do some (unintentional) damage when prescribing arcs with it over one’s shoulder……



    • stumbling in flats says:

      Wow!! Gravel can be amazing stuff. Not so much when you fall face down in it though 🙁

      • Jonny says:

        In a choice between Nettle Angels (i.e. Lying in Snow is replaced with lying in Nettles),(( been there and done that!)) and falling face first onto gravel…..I think in all honesty….that I WOULD prefer……NETTLE ANGELS!!!!!

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