Category Archives: My Ramblings

Why, Mr Darcy….

After some serious blog posts about being sacked from my job for having MS, it is good to bring some breathtakingly exciting news – Bridget Jones returns! There will be a third novel published next Autumn and I have donned my big pants in celebration.

Bridget played a pretty big role in my life. I read the novel while I was pregnant (always arriving late to a trend) and the first film came out when The Teenager was a baby. I remember watching it with a sigh of relief that I was past that stage, yet bittersweetly nostalgic for my ‘carefree’ single days. Mind you, I have never had two men fighting over me (oi, over here, Darcy!) and it never snowed quite so beautifully when I lived in London. But what Bridget showed legions of women, including me, was that it was ok to be less than perfect, or overweight or not entirely sure of which direction our lives were headed in. She spoke for all of us.

I identified with Bridget in so many ways – the badly-put-together work wardrobe, the awkwardness, the rampant self-doubt and the complete inability to cook for a dinner party. I winced with recognition at her eagerness to be wanted by Daniel Cleaver, the cad. And I too feared I would end my days alone, half-eaten by Alsatians.

I am worried though, that if they age Bridget in real time, she will be in her late 40’s. Will she be as funny? Will she be blogging instead of writing a diary and counting her Twitter followers instead of how many cigarettes she smokes? Crucially, will she still speak for all of us? I await with baited breath.

If I were Bridget, my daily life would be something like: Alcohol units: too many, Weight: fluctuating, Meds: 3 plus 5 supplements, Hours spent seeking blogging inspiration: 2.5.

Note to self: Lose weight, drink less and eat more vegetables. Then my very own Mr Darcy may just come along…

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A Recipe for Changing Your Life

happy housewifeThis is best for the novice cook – the less experience you have, the better. But do make sure you choose your ingredients carefully!

Ingredients

  • A good few relapses – drop into mixing bowl, one after the other in rapid succession.
  • One firm diagnosis of multiple sclerosis – this could take you a while to obtain, so be patient.
  • Two evil bosses. If these are difficult to find, check under stones, where they are fond of crawling out from.
  • A liberal sprinkling of heavy-grade bullying at work, of the nastier  and more vicious variety.
  • For added panache, throw in an unfair dismissal along with a copy of the Disability Discrimination Act.
  • Finally, a good dash of steroids, MRIs and a lumbar puncture.

Method

  • Mix all the ingredients together well. You are aiming for a gloopy, gungy consistency
  • Simmer at the highest temperature for just over a year.

Best served with

This recipe can be hard to stomach so make sure you have the following:

  • The best friends you can find (you know who you are)
  • A darn good support network – http://shift.ms/ and http://www.msrc.co.uk/  are amongst the finest
  • Copious amounts of wine, chocolate and laughter

After digesting, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get out of the kitchen. There’s a bright, shiny new world waiting for you…

 

 

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Chocolate, *sigh*

A friend has just told me it is National Chocolate Week this week. Regular readers will be familiar with my chocolate trials and tribulations, but who am I to turn down any  reason to celebrate the wonders of the humble cocoa bean? It is obviously my duty (and honour!) to take part.

To mark this sublime event, I hovered for far too long in front of the chocolate display at my local supermarket yesterday. I had just been for my monthly blood check and was in need of a little treat to cheer myself up. I trundled out the old MS excuse to myself, ‘hey, I deserve it, I’ve got MS’. This can work on pretty much anything – another glass of wine, extra helping of roast potatoes, another hour on the sofa.

So there I am, moving swiftly past the Christmas displays, the huge boxes of Thorntons (I’m not that greedy), on to the single chocolate bars. Furtively, I snatch a family-sized Dairy Milk, shoving it under my healthy yoghurts, fruit and low-fat cheese. At the check-out, I tut, saying ‘kids, eh?’ as the chocolate is swiped through, neatly blaming the chocolate on The Teenager. Result!

Gwyneth Paltrow once said in an interview that she stops herself having junk food by eating naked, in front of a mirror. Ha! The biggest mirror I have is in my hallway, I have a glass front door and I don’t think my postman would appreciate the view. I prefer the Fridge Plan. Put your chosen contraband in the coldest part of the fridge. This makes it much harder to scoff in one go. Clever. Plus, whenever I open the fridge door, The Teenager miraculously appears next to me, peering over my shoulder and I have to hastily hide it behind the ketchup again.

But I know it is there, and I know I will very, very quietly rescue it, silently open it, and sink into chocolate oblivion. Again. *Sigh*.

 

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Pinterest Addict

How did I ever waste time in work before Pinterest? I can spend hours scrolling through other people’s adorable lives, cute kids, funny animals and interior decorating ideas. This is sheer fantasy football for women and I am addicted.

I even have my own account (I had to request an ‘invite to join’!), but am far too scared to start pinning – I wouldn’t know when to stop and I would probably end up wanting to live my Pinterest life rather than my real life. I’m sure I would find myself thinking, oh, I have the most incredible shoes that would go with that outfit, then realise they were in my pinterest wardrobe, not my real one.

Who are these pinners with their Boden-clad children, vast houses, oodles of spare time and a craft-box to die for? They make Scandinavian candle holders from birch wood logs, fashion keyrings from Champagne corks and create sensational art by gluing a few crayons onto canvas and blasting them with a hairdryer. They carve the most exquisite pumpkin designs, make home-made lollipops and still find time to post pictures of their grinning dogs and cute knitted cupcakes.

And now the Christmas pins are filtering through. It’s only a small trickle so far (too many pumpkins and ghouls jostling for space), but it’s sure to become a flood by November. How will I cope with pin-envy? How many glue sticks will I have to buy? Oh yes, I caved in and bought a glue-gun, the Pinterest weapon of choice. I just know I can decorate the whole house with only a stack of coloured card and some glue.

Two pinners have the right idea though – they pin the results of all the projects they have been inspired to try out from Pinterest and the results are very, ahem, reassuring…check out http://pinstrosity.blogspot.co.uk/ .

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Chocolate dreams

Chocolate haunts me. Last night a giant Jaffa Cake chased me down the road. When I woke up, I could almost taste it. I adore chocolate and it worships me in return. So much so that it hangs around my thighs, stubbornly clinging on for dear life . I know we need to go our separate ways, but it’s a really comforting friend to have around. Always available, cheap and comes in endless varieties.

Multiple sclerosis has given me a great excuse – when the worst has already happened, who cares if you treat yourself now and again? So many other things seem more important than whether I am knocking back the chocolate buttons by the bucket-load. Just had an excruciating lumbar puncture? Have a family-sized Galaxy bar. Fallen flat on your face in a packed restaurant? Order a profiterole surprise to share then grab both forks.

In a desperate bid to curb my cravings, I came up with a cunning plan. Advent calendars are on sale now. What if I were to buy one and only pop open two windows a day? Plus, I’ll get some early Christmassy vibes going. I reached Christmas Eve that same night and put the pillaged calendar out for recycling. Ok, Plan B. Eat no chocolate all week, then have a blow-out on Friday. I was cured! I ate so much of the stuff, I vowed never to eat it again, until I woke up on Saturday, noticed there were still a few Maltesers left in the packet, and I was lost in a chocolate haze once more.

I know, I could keep on trundling out the old MS excuse for ever, but where do I draw the line? I don’t want to give in just because I have MS. Perhaps because I have MS I should look after myself more, not less.

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