Feeling Awfully Tubby (F.A.T.)

pashminasDespite the lack of thyroid meds, my gland still refuses to play ball and my weight stubbornly refuses to drop.

Not one teeny tiny eeny weeny pound.

The remnants of a relapse haven’t helped, but, really?

So. I’m in the middle of a conundrum:

  • First, the scary thought – this could be me, like, forever.
  • Second, I may never, ever feel the unparalleled joy of a size 14 pair of jeans, ever again.
  • Third, I’m so unremarkable that people don’t even sympathise with, ‘such a shame she’s so large, she has such a pretty face.’
  • Fourth – plastic surgery?

Where do I go from here? Well, I’ve counted my options; I could:

  • Brave the Larger-Ladies stores
  • Buy fun-and-large-jewellery to draw attention away from tree-trunk thighs, triple chins and chipmunk cheeks
  • Dye my hair a ‘wacky’ shade (blue/pink/magenta) so people don’t notice I’m actually a walking, talking blob

It doesn’t help that The Teenager has transformed his body over the last year and is now a strapping 6′ 4” muscly-peep and scrutinises everything he eats to the nth calorie. He’s offered to take me to to his gym – preferably late at night – just in case he bumps into his mates. He shows me simple exercise I can do with cans of beans and bottles of Evian.

No matter how many times I play I Am Woman, it doesn’t help.

Invincible? Erm, no.

I have a new plan – invest in those large pashmina/throws. M&S sell a nice range. Just wear all black underneath, chuck on a pashmina/throw and a bit of an attitude and I could be ready to go? Or are they picnic blankets in disguise? Was I in the wrong department?

It’s a learning phase. I must bring forth my inner loveliness, whatever that means. People may balk at my bulk, but I should always present a positive and shining aura.

I’m trying.

Tbc …

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12 thoughts on “Feeling Awfully Tubby (F.A.T.)

  1. Dave says:

    I’m always wary of diets cos if MS makes me miss out on the joys of chocolate then what’s the point??! Bit of a Bugger but always feel like things should balance out. My neurologist once said to me “Things are already bad as they are why make it worse by eating things you don’t like?” Needless to say I love my neurologist and headed to McDonald’s lol.
    I hope you are able to figure out a way to balance things out without preventing you from the good in life as I know we need to watch cos it’s not all to do with what we eat at all. It’s very hard to get the energy to burn off the calories. I know I don’t eat my recommended calories a day but yet my weight will jump up at times. Take care

    • stumbling in flats says:

      So true!! Life without chocolate would be unthinkable.
      I guess it’s all about balance and I don’t want to look back on this time and wonder what on earth I was worrying about. Maybe that’s why it’s good for me to write about it as it all seems relative in the grand scheme of things!

  2. Buy clothes that fit properly, ignore the size and you will feel better. maybe going to the gym is a good idea, but probably talk to an instructor first to find out what activities would be safe and the best ones for you to do. go swimming, good for people with MS I am always told.

    And if it is you forever, embrace it and honestly no one who matters should care what you weigh, just how you act. and we always judge ourselves the hardest when in reality, its hardly ever as bad as we think.

    and you have MS, being active to lose the weight can be very very hard. meds don’t help either.

    don’t have plastic surgery,not worth the complications. unless you have the money to go to South Korea, plastic surgery capital of the world and then go wild :p

    • stumbling in flats says:

      What a great comment, thank you – I really should be nurturing my inner character rather than worrying about what the scales say. You guys always put things into perspective for me!

  3. Robyn says:

    Or you could just not worry about the weight? No one has the right to judge you based on your size, or comment, or tell you ‘but you have a pretty face’ or any of those other things.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Very true I really must learn to worry less. I think it’s probably because the weight gain from the thyroid was so rapid, I didn’t have time to adjust. Whereas before I could lose weight fairly easily if I put my mind to it, this weight is refusing to budge 🙁

  4. Toni says:

    Bless you!. MS can rob us of a lot of things, but for the thyroids to be having their fair share also, well, what can I say. If you cant do anything about it, please dont let it get you down. But try not to get into the cycle of feeling down, must eat choc…mind of matter attitude and all that. If you can try to grab something healthier to eat, then you will be telling your mind you can do this (even though those pesky thyroids want to tell you different)! If not, embrace the all black, a pashmina, and dye that hair funky and smile at the world…you will probably notice that the world will not be laughing, but smiling back at you. :).

    Take it easy my friend.x

    • stumbling in flats says:

      You’re so right – it’s awfully tempting to think, oh well, I’m fat anyway, may as well eat junk! I try really hard to eat well, even though it’s not making any difference at all. Plus I’m active as much as I can be. It’s just soooooo annoying! Especially my triple chin, lol.
      You know, I might just dye my hair a different colour, for the sheer hell of it!

  5. Jo says:

    Lovely stumbling,which you are indeed,what JOY you bring me. I’m decades ahead of you with the MS,single parent,studying,balls in the air and dropping them lark. We are MADE STRONG. Of course you want to be slimmer, I get that but in the meantime EXPRESS yourself. I wear Indian you have shops in Cardiff if not order stitched from websites , Cos (watch the sales),raid charity shops etc. I don’t care what others think everyday is a treasure even if I’m stuck in bed. I do Pilates,yoga,son’t care about chocolate (sorry) but sink red wine oh and I weight lift. I cuddle my cats under the stars and then end up in a flower bed! I’m living life to the best of my ability and you are too. You are beautiful and enhance my life. So here is my challenge to you,forget what others think,obtain a piece of clothing that gives you JOY and post your picture. By the way I love baggy linen trousers with wraps,try markets. Love xxx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      What a lovely comment, thank you! And thank you for the great ideas – will take a look at Cos now.
      Life is truly very wonderful at the moment, despite the relapse and the thyroid and I have to keep reminding myself just how lucky I am. It’s so easy to focus on the weight and block out every thing else that is great.
      Challenge accepted!!

  6. Sue Wanklin says:

    I think I love your neurologist too.
    I tried going to Slimmingworld but trying to take my shoes off and then gettingto balance on a set of scales is not conducive to a happy Weigh In?

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I remember going to them a few years back – got put off by people behind me sneaking a look at the scales when I stood on them!!

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