I Get Knocked Down. But I Get Up Again …

GodfatherWell, the truly troll-y emails I received knocked me sideways and then way down.

Normally, I would read, fume, delete and ignore, but this year has been fraught. Not the best timing.

The very medium which brought me to the trolls attention has once again become my saviour – my blog. Your comments and emails have been incredible; I’ve read them over and over again and they really have built me back up. I honestly can’t thank you all enough.

I don’t know where I would be without my supportive MS family.

I decided to write an open reply the day after The Teenager went on holiday with his dad, to give me time to gather my thoughts, have a few sniffles and many pangs of massive self-doubt, then be ready for when he gets back. Which is today. Or so I thought.

I sent him a text last night wishing him a fab flight and had organised a day off work to pick him up. The fridge is stocked with high-protein foods and the shelves are bulging with Special K.

He texted back, ‘Yeah, ta. Flight’s tomorrow?????’

Yup, MS brain at work again. So I have another full day in a clean and tidy house, with no wet towels hanging up on the floor, no sink full of bowls, no loud music. Bliss.

A bit more time to think before I put the whole trolling episode behind me. It’s so easy to hide behind a computer screen and spew bile. It’s also easy to click ‘send’, without giving any thought to the damage inflicted. My blog is public – my name is on the photo at the top of the blog. The only time I remained anonymous was when I was going through a court case for unfair dismissal, on the advice of my lawyer. As soon as the case was settled, I was out there.

I’m real and it’s been hard to write some of the posts over the last four years, but I think it’s important to show what real life can be like with an illness like MS. If I had written anonymously, I doubt I would have been more honest, and I wouldn’t feel a connection with you guys, because you wouldn’t know the real me. ‘Here’s me looking fat with a couple of TV and film stars!’ ‘Here’s me, attempting to look intelligent and intriguing on Twitter!’

A funny thing happened to me today. I was browsing in a charity shop (holding a size 18 top, gah), when a man walked up to me and said, ‘Hello, I know you!’. Long story short, I had bought a canvas picture of The Godfather for The Teenager from him through Gumtree a good year or so ago and we had got chatting on his doorstep. I mentioned my book and he later bought it.

He said to me, ‘You know, I would never normally have read your book, but after meeting you I did. It’s totally changed my perception of MS. When’s the follow-up?’

If us peeps with MS can bring attention to MS, live as well as we can with MS and offer a hand-up to those of us who are struggling, our MS family is stronger together.

So, that’s MS and me – 1, Trolls – 0. Or, as The Godfather would say, ‘Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.’

p.s. I just have to include a comment on my last post, by my Aunt Karin, my dad’s sister:

As your aunt and your late father’s sister I must say how proud I am of you. You are a joy and an inspiration to so many. Never let your detractors dampen your spirit. They should “Stumble in Your Flats for a Day”.
Uncle Ronnie and I love you so very much.

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20 thoughts on “I Get Knocked Down. But I Get Up Again …

  1. Judy says:

    Another good post! It made me smile. Take care, but take it! I know you do. xo Judy

  2. Katie says:

    You- 100, troll – 0!
    Your blog is awesome, you are doing great things for the MS community!

  3. Toni says:

    Ditto! Apart from the trolls, and having a teenager, I totally get your blogs, and having the “MS family”. What an amazing family!. Anyway, keep blogging (I think these were actually your words)!, and keep smiling. T.x

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Yup, a truly amazing family! You guys have been an incredible support 🙂
      As for the blogging, I’ll keep on until I run out of things to say …

  4. Kirsty says:

    Keep going. Great response again. Trolls, what trolls!!! ?

  5. Tricia says:

    We love you ? xx

  6. Eerie Cris says:

    Oh, dear, I even got goosebumps reading this one. Glad you are back on your stumbling feet. <3

  7. David says:

    The memory problems are always fun to navigate. At least you have an extra day of nice clean house lol! Trolls are there for 2 minutes but we’ll be dealing with this for life! They don’t realise we’re already up for a life long fight that’ll put their snide remarks into the category of insignificance! Just have to brush it off your shoulders and carry on. Take care

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thank you! Good point about the trolls – MS is for life, not just for trolling, lol.
      I had a lovely quiet time before Teenager came back. Now it’s all back to the usual mess and clouds of deodorant, gah.

  8. Kerry says:

    They’ll probably be loving the fact they’ve got you upset and talking about them, as my very wise mother always says aslong as there talking about you least there leaving someone else alone , keep your head high missus for every day your having a down one just think how much your blog is bringing someone out of one xxx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That’s really kind of you, thank you!
      And very true about talking about the trolls. Mind you, it was nicer to blog than reply privately to them and get into emails back and forward. Hopefully they’ve crawled back under the rocks where they came from!

  9. That could be turned into a bumper sticker. Can see it on the backs of cars all over the world – MS is for life, not just for trolling!?

  10. Jenny says:

    I think the trolls only effect has been to highlight the strength of support for what you do and what hope and help your blog gives us all. So definitely makes MS the winning team! Glad you feel able to rise above their low little lives!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That’s so true – everyone has been amazing. And there’s been no negative comments coming through the blog, so I’m guessing they just hide behind emails!!

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