Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall…

mirrorI am writing this by flickering candlelight, with slightly shaky fingers (shakier than my normal MS-y fingers).

Yesterday, I had the misfortune to think that clothes shopping would be a most excellent idea. I had a bit of spare money (The Teenager was away, natch), so what could be more soothing for the soul than treating myself?

Well. On entering the store, I was accosted by a very, very, very young and very skinny slip of a thing, no doubt a size sub-zero, who asked me in a bored voice, ‘wanna sign up for our catalogue?’ Nope. ‘You looking for anyfink special, like?’ Nope. ‘Help you with anyfink?’ Nope. Um, can I shop now please? ‘yeah, whatevs’.

I shook her off and wandered round the store, picking things up and hooking them over my arm so the sizes wouldn’t show. I must have looked distinctly dodgy as a girl darted over and asked, ‘can I yelp you?’, eyeing up my bag. Nope.

I sought sanctuary in the changing room. Mistake. Big mistake. I waited for the girl on the door to finish her very important phone conversation, ‘yeah, gotta go, oh I know, loves ya, yeah, you too babes’ (rolls eyes, sighs, stomps over to me and slaps a round disc with a 5 on it into my hand). I shuffled off to the cubicle and sealed the curtains each side. Just in case.

Right. trousers. Stumble over attempting to change into them. Get the fright of my life. Who’s that person looking back at me?

It was me. In eight different, unforgiving angles. In all my glory. I slumped to the plastic chair. Really? Seriously?  That’s me side-on? I turned my face this way and that, examining my double triple chin. The fine network of wrinkles spreading out from under my eyes. I looked…..old and tired.

I gulped back the tears and took the trousers off, but not quickly enough to avoid seeing how I looked from behind, an image now seared indelibly in my brain. Pulling myself together and dabbing at my eyes, I took my stuff, paid and left.

Back home and as deflated as a popped balloon, I examined myself in every single mirror in the house, the cat trotting behind me like it was some kind of game. I googled ‘get rid of a double/triple chin fast’ and ‘how to lose 4 stone in 4 weeks’.

My tip? Dim the lights. Cheaper than a neck lift. Extra bonus – you don’t see the dust, but that’s another story…

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6 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall…

  1. Oh, no. Clothes shopping is horrifying. The ONLY thing worse is bathing suit shopping. Those multi-sided mirrors: sent straight from hell. Changing rooms ought to be equipped with dim lights, alcohol on tap, and some kind of soothing gas piped in. They’d sell a lot more clothes, I bet…

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Now there’s an idea!!! I always thought changing rooms had soft-focus lights. I was wrong. Not the best sight to greet me on a Sunday morning. Meh.

  2. Danni says:

    I am a bigggg girl and things dont tend to fit anyway so I go catalogue shopping in the comfort of my own home. no size 8’s with their judging laughing eyes saying “can I help you”when they know their clothes wont fit or suit u or if they have some they wont show you. God forbid their customer service go that far. As you can see I severly dislike shopping. I go for the mens section for tshirts atleast I know they will fit. Lol. But catalogues all the way. X we feel down enough because of the ms we shouldnt be made to feel bad about our bodies. Stand up (if you can) and flaunt it. Be strong. Xx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I think I’m going to stick to catalogue shopping from now on!!
      It was a pretty horrible experience and didn’t do much for my morale. I have now given up chocolate, but how long that will last, who knows???

  3. Sally says:

    Different shops have different shaped mirrors I find. Monsoon and Next always make me look like a wobbly whale (even when I’m trying on a size 8.) John Lewis always seem to have ‘nice’ mirrors as do Marks. Hobbs have horrible mirrors (I look square in them) and New Look has quite good ones. Do hate those surround view ones. Every lump and wobble is horrendous. That and I am reminded how bad my hair looks from the back.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      It was Next I went to! Horrible, horrible lighting. And you’re right – my hair looked totally ridiculous from the back. And I’ve been going out like that!

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