MS is fairly busy these days – 100,00 of us to pester in the UK alone and millions across the world.
So it was fortuitous that it could take time out from a hectic schedule to settle down for a cosy chat:
MS: How’s things? Bad, I hope? Any more nerve pain?
Me: Funny you should say that, but yes. Don’t you ever give up?
MS: Short answer: No.
Me: Long answer?
MS: Well (long pause). It’s interesting, don’t you think? Push you just that little bit more?
Me: Really?
MS: I’ve always said – and no word of a lie – you have to be tough to live with MS. I have, haven’t I?
Me: Erm, yes?
MS: So. The way I see it, I’m doing you a favour? So, it’s bad, it’s sad, it’s painful, it’s isolating. And?
Me: What do you expect me to say? Thank you?
MS: Actually, yes. Whoah, stay seated and put that vase down. Listen. If I’m honest, it’s fun – all that freaky tiredness, making you walk funny, seeing you drop stuff. It makes me laugh. And?
Me: And what?
MS: Well. Let me think. You were diagnosed in – hang on – 2012? Yes?
Me: Yup.
MS: And what’s happened since then? Still with that bullying boss? That useless boyfriend? Still harbouring a vague notion of, and I quote, being a writer?
Me: I know what you’re doing.
MS: Good.
Me: You’ve ruined my life. I went through hell. My son was scared. I was scared. My future is uncertain.
MS: I haven’t ruined your life – you have a different job now and you love it. Your son is doing brilliantly. You’re not scared, you’re fearsome. And like anyone else on this planet, your future will always be uncertain. Deal with it.
Me: Why do you pop up so unexpectedly? Cripple me with absolute fatigue when I least expect it?
MS: Like I said, it’s fun.
Me: That’s unfair.
MS: Life is unfair. Are we done now? I’m very busy you know.
Me: I hate you.
MS: I hate you too. So we’re quits.
And with that, MS leaves.
But not quite …
yep must say I loved it… hmmmm what would I say to my MS… piss off… yep to say the least…stay strong and keep blogging fellow MS’er…
Lol! Was very difficult not to use swear words when writing this blog post!
x
I live with the very irritating, ‘Martin Sheen’ and we too have conversations like yours. Sometimes these are conducted quietly, telepathically. And sometimes they’re shouting matches. Like all conversations one of us always wants to have the last word and thus it is that Martin Sheen refuses to move out and leave my poor body to live peacefully on its own.
As you say, we don’t know what the future holds. Irritating isn’t it?
I read a quote from a chap known as ‘Patrick’, not his real name of course but he lives with three (!) debilitating chronic diseases. Reflecting on the uncertainty in his life he said, “‘To mature is to learn to live with ambiguity.’
I have the second round of ‘the bailiff’,’ descending on Martin at the end of April. You may know him by one of his professional aliases, Lemmie Lemtrada or Colin Campath.
Who knows if the bailiff will mange to evict Martin this time but over the last few years, I’ve certainly had to learn to make an accommodation for ambiguity.
That’s all we can do, isn’t it?
It sure is!
Hope Colin Campath goes well 🙂 I had my third course last September, pretty unexpectedly, but it went well, touch wood. Definitely feel like it’s still holding back the floodgates.
Absolutely loved your comment!
X
This made me laugh, I have this sort of conversation every morning! I best one for me is choking on my own saliva! Or falling over with vertigo, don’t do this in boots they don’t like it!! You’ve got to laugh. Keep blogging my fellow MS’er.
You’ve certainly got to keep on laughing!!
I dropped my coffee cup this morning. Oh well …
x
What an accurate depiction! It definitely makes you recognize that the majority of us begin to take better care of our mind/body/spirit once we’ve accepted diagnosis. Isolating? Definitely. Let me know how you’ve navigated that. But, at 44, I’ve started school In a meaningful field, dropped bad relationships and made my health a priority since my diagnosis in 2014. Your blog continues to inspire and entertain me. Thank you!
Thank you!
Ah, the isolation. Horrible. I’ve definitely found I really don’t like going out in the evenings any more as I’m so tired. So I don’t get to see my friends that much. I really must make more of an effort 🙁
X
Wow. Brilliant. Having a sit down with my MS. I named it Sully. Like Sullivan from the movie Monsters Inc. You know, the MonSter. Attitude is huge for me, and my MS. Love your spirit and your blog. Thanks for posting and helping this MSer stay positive whilst trudging the road of happy destiny.
JE
Thank you so much!
I love the Sully name 🙂 I think I watched that movie a million times when The Teenager was younger!
x
Sometimes whilst walking I’ll tell my MS “not that way, this way”. I think we have a mutual disrespect.
I like that – mutual disrespect 🙂
x
I don’t know what your beliefs are, but this is how I see it – there is good versus evil in this world, more specifically God versus Satan. Satan causes bad things to happen. God uses them for good.
I’m still unsure what I believe in, but I do believe in the power of Good 🙂
x