Flat In Flats?

flatAs regular readers will know, I’ve been nominated for an MS Society Award for my blog.

I’m over the moon and chuffed beyond belief, as is The Teenager, who will be my plus-one.

The dress code is ‘smart’.

Hmm. I feel ‘smart’ if my knitted hat for work has been washed the day before (it gets chilly stumbling around building sites, checking on concrete foundations).

A night out in smart clothes involves jeans, boots and a top. A coffee with friends involves jeans, boots and a top. You could say it’s a kind of tragic demi-student uniform.

But, I tried. I thought, ‘ok, this is my opportunity to show I can wear a dress’. I gave it a go. I stood in endless shop dressing rooms, tugging at hems, checking my reflection from twenty-seven different angles. I ordered three different sizes of the same dress off the internet, then sent them all back the next day.

I’ve had to admit, I’m just not one of those amazing women who suits a dress. Apart from the fact that most dresses look lousy with flat shoes, I’m just not … me. No amount of Spanx will convince me otherwise; I look like a sack of turnips.

However, when I slip on my lovely black trousers and black shoes, I feel transformed. Teamed with a beautiful top I bought for my visit to Downing Street (get me), I feel good. Normal, but much better. Confident.

I was discussing this problem with The Teenager yesterday. We went out for lunch, as a well-earned break from his studies. He asked me when I had last worn a dress. ‘Um, my wedding day?’ I replied.

‘Ah’, he said. ‘That was, like, back in the 90’s. Everyone wore dresses, probably, and blokes didn’t have man-buns.’ Impressive reasoning, I thought.

He patted my hand and said, ‘they’re not there to see what you’re wearing, they’re there to see your sad face when you don’t win. So make sure you’ve fixed your lippy.’ He sat back, impressed with his sage advice.

He’s got a point. ‘Comfy’ is creeping in to my lexicon. There’s other ways to push my boundaries and I don’t think dresses are one of them. So I will be monochrome on the day and will check that my lippy is present and correct.

My phone pinged. ‘Um, why are you texting me?’ I asked The Teenager. ‘You’re sitting right across the table?’ ‘Like, d’uh, I know, just wanted to tell you, no matter what happens, you’ll be fine. You’ve got me with you. And can I have your bread?’

The text read, ‘Love you. All good.’

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Arguing With Parked Cars …

disabledDisabled parking.

The only time we’re visible in society?

How many times have you exited your car in a disabled space only to be confronted by an angry person demanding to know the exact nature of your disability?

This happened to me the other day.

I took my mum out – walking stick, disabled parking badge, etc – and parked in a disabled space. Two. TWO people in cars (not disabled, waiting for ‘disabled’ people) got out their cars and harangued us.

‘Erm, yes, my mum can’t walk far (gestured to stick). How far? Really? Are you serious?’

They were.

‘Well, as I said, my mum can’t walk that far, and for your information, I have MS.’

‘Oh, yes? You expect me to believe that?

But who am I to judge?

Fast forward to our next stop, near the chemist. Three disabled spaces, handily near the local supermarket. So, obviously taken up with customers of the local supermarket. Without disabled badges.

But it’s ok. I spoke to them – they were only parking for five minutes – enough time to get into the supermarket, grab a pizza, bottle of wine and latest copy of Hello!.

Only five minutes. We wish. If only they could be disabled for just five minutes.

And there’s the nub. These people see disabled spaces, make a rational decision and decide that their need is greater than ours. Is that the only time they think this way? Or is it endemic in society?

Disabled spaces are fair game and our government has led the way – we are all wastrels, scoundrels, beggars. With this blatant misuse of disabled spaces, the general public send a stark message:

We don’t care. Prove yourself.

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How Not To Write …

artistI was flicking through, ‘How To Write A Best-seller in 72 Hours’ the other day, when I had a thought.

It’s really hard to write.

I started blogging almost four years ago due to sheer frustration, and with no one else to talk to about MS in such depth, having bored my dearest friends to death already.

I’d always wanted to write ever since one of my essays got an A+ when I was 12, and harboured visions of myself signing books, scattering bon-mots in interviews and generally being regarded as a leading light in a brand-new literary genre.

Now I’m coming to the end of my Master’s in Creative Writing and I’m not feeling very creative. At all.

I need to produce the beginnings of a novel – 6,000 words to be precise – plus a proposal and a critical reflection. Huh?

I have a few days off work to tackle the three assignments so this morning I got down to work: cat fed, three cups of coffee, quick look  through Twitter, and I was ready. New document in Word. Title. Page One. Mess about with fonts for half an hour.

Time for another cup of coffee and loading the washing machine.

Back to the computer: ‘She entered the room slowly, gently feeling her way softly across the vast, huge, vaulted-ceilinged room. ‘Where are you? she asked with a solemnity belying her tender years.’

Cringe. More Mills & Boon than Martin Amis.

I backspaced. ‘She stands in the large room.’ Then, nothing. Delete everything. I cast my mind back to all the advice I’ve read:

  • Write about what you know.
  • Read a lot.

Ok. I know about:

  • MS
  • Teenagers
  • Cats
  • Chocolate

A novel about a woman with a teenager who works in a chocolate factory and along with her trusty cat, solves crimes with astonishing detection?

Just as I was about to begin again, The Teenager thumped downstairs, gym-kitted and clutching his protein shake.

‘Goooood morning Mother. Off to work out. Need money. Ta.’

‘Hang on … I’m just finding the right word.’

‘Muuuuuum, gotta go – friends waiting. Money? Hello?’

‘Gah. I’ve lost the word.’

‘Mum! What’re you doing wearing my old Penguin t-shirt? What?! It’s from when I was fat – you promised me they had all gone to the charity shop. Muuuuum!’

‘It’s comfy.’

‘You can only keep it if you promise never, ever to wear it when my friends are here. Promise? Too tragic.’

With a fiver in his hand for a protein bar, he was gone. And so had my train of thought.

Back to square one.

‘It was a very dark and stormy night with pin-needle rain, forking down upon the unfortunate souls who forged their way through the blackness towards possible fortitude and redemption.’

Nailed it.

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MS – You’re Only As Old As You Feel …

shout… in my case, 82.

But it’s been a long week.

Anyway, I know I’m old as:

  • The Teenager has come home and told me – with great urgency – to listen to the uber-ancient song by Alanis Morisette; ‘Ironic’.
  • The Teenager has introduced me to Oasis. Again.
  • My knees are playing up and I grab on to things to hoist myself out of my seat.
  • Me and the cat listen to ‘Tweet of the Day’ on Radio 4 and discuss it afterwards.
  • I fill my trolley with tuna cans for one and a solitary bread roll.

This  has to stop.

In my mind, I am around 25-ish. (Note that I had The Teenager when I was 25-ish) Yet MS can do it’s darndest to make you feel, well, old. Ish. The creaking joints, the nodding off after the news, the brain fog, the unsteady walk.

How to counteract such MS deviousness?

I suggest a reclaiming of everything that makes us MSers feel old:

  • Tell everyone you meet you have MS. Works wonders. They will say, ‘by golly, I would never have known – you seem so, well … normal?’ (long argument)
  • Explain to the very handsome barista in your local coffee place that you may need some help carrying your tray of latte and chocolate brownie to your chosen seat, as you have MS. Shit happens?
  • Practise your ‘I know, I know, I don’t look old enough to have a debilitating, degenerative neurological illness. Blame my genes, lol.’

Most of us are diagnosed at an unseemly age. It’s plain wrong. We don’t feel ‘disabled’, merely ignored by society. I went from being valued, respected and well-regarded in my job until a diagnosis of MS made me into ‘a problem’. This has to stop.

If we can harness this outrage, we will go a long way.

We don’t ask for much – a little understanding, a little compassion. We are a talented bunch, who just so happen to have an illness which actually makes most of us more determined than ever to overcome the ‘disabled’ label.

What do you think?

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Yes, Of Course, MS, Whatever You Say …

yodaI had plans. Lots of them.

As The Teenager was away in London with his dad, I had a whole list of things I would do.

I forget to factor in MS.

This morning I woke up at 7am. I stretched, inadvertently kicked the cat off the bed and felt smug that I had slept in. Until I realised the clocks had gone forward, and it was technically 6am. Gah.

I got up, made a coffee and consulted my list:

  • Sort out all those thin clothes I will never have a hope of fitting in to.
  • Sort charity bags.
  • Hang pictures.
  • Clean bathroom.
  • Shred bank statements.
  • Tidy up back yard.

But then, just  as I was feeling human, MS took me by the shoulders and steered me to the sofa.

Erm, ok. So, if I just close my eyes for a few minutes, I’ll be fine again?

Three hours later I woke up. Three hours.

I am exhausted, MS fatigue is driving me crazy.

I am wading through cotton wool. I knew it would happen at some point … I just wasn’t ready.

So now the MS monster is back.

It’s shoving me in to walls, pushing me into corners and making me walk funny. Even talking is an effort.

I’m a wreck, but a wreck who has to keep on going.

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