I have lost two very dear friends recently – all my own fault.
Looking back, my behaviour was abominable. One friend, I only called when I was distressed. The other, when I felt ok. Both probably felt cheated and used and I don’t blame them.
This is a very hard post to write, but it has to be said. There’s only so much nonsense our friends will take.
Sure, some of our friends will drift away, unable to cope with our new state. All the more reason to nurture the ones who stayed. Which is where I went wrong, so very badly wrong.
I admit it, I was selfish. It was all about me. I ignored the things they told me about their own lives. I blanked it out, puffed up with MS self-importance. This was happening to ME. End of.
What I forgot in the MS Haze, is that those dear friends have lives of their own, with the same bad news, tragedies, ongoing sadness. In a way, I used and abused their kindness.
I am doing a lot of reflecting. Ongoing. And I am shocked and saddened by the grief I may have put on others in my pursuit of advice and help. In a tiny small way, I took a bouquet of flowers to one of those I had annoyed, just this afternoon. Then ran back in to reassure her that I had blocked her number. I wouldn’t call again.