I left my house early to attend an important meeting.
When I got back hours later and put the key in my lock, I was hit by a swinging bunch of MS boxing gloves, all aiming straight for me. I was utterly hammered and poleaxed by MS.
MS is very rude and completely lacking in manners.
I collapsed into the nearest chair and stayed there for an hour. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. All I could do was stare straight ahead, stunned by overwhelming fatigue.
Eventually, I crawled to the sofa and stayed there for another hour, shopping bags at my feet, the cat demonstrating her increasing annoyance that her food bowl was empty and I wasn’t playing with her.
Inside, I was screaming. Thoughts came rushing back into my battered brain – if I can get up, I must feed the cat. If I can get up, I have to cook dinner. If I can get up, I can tidy up.
If I could only get up.
I have never felt more alone. The skies darkened outside, the curtains remained open. The rain hammered down.
I knew what was happening – a complete MS blackout. I’m surprised it took so long.
These last three weeks I’ve been running on adrenalin and carbs, looking after my ill relative (with the help of my wonderful family), working, studying, sorting out The Teenager and the house. I’m a bruised duck, gliding erratically along, paddling frantically beneath the surface.
MS is never far away. It’s a dark shadow, stalking and lurking, just waiting to strike again.
The evening rolled on. If I could just get through it and fall into bed, the morning might look brighter. When I was able to, I feigned productivity – reading a couple of chapters of my ‘How To Write a Novel’ book, starting a shopping list – Bloo, bin bags, strawberry jam – , changing the loo roll in the bathroom. Result.
At 9pm I melted into my bed and stayed there for eleven hours.
Today has been better but I’m still battling to keep MS at bay. I’m exhausted but still trucking on. This is not the time to square up to MS. There’s never a good time, but, seriously, now?
Anyway, this evening I will mostly be trying to complete my homework for Uni tomorrow; I will be attempting to compose my novel synopsis – something along the lines of, ‘this will be a superlatively wonderful book and I’ll do lots of research, honest.’