Stumbling in Flats

I have a problem in work, and it’s not The Boss.

Well he is, but I have another one.

As I’m often to be found on a building site trying to make sense of architectural plans, tripping over wires, getting my hands dirty and generally mucking about with the lads, people sometimes forget that I am actually, ahem, a lady.

Yup, it shocks me too.

So it was with interest that I perused the recent article courtesy of ‘Country Life’, ’39 Steps to Being a Lady of 2015′.

I wish I hadn’t bothered.

Of the 39 steps, I tick only around a third, as I:

• Never wear shoes I can’t walk in – er, yup. Tick. Huge tick.
• Would never have Botox – I quite like smiling.
• Would never own a handbag dog – my cat would disown me.
• Can handle a sports car and a sit-on mower – does a JCB mini-digger count?
• Know when a man is spoken for – aren’t they all?
• Offer the builder a cup of tea – oh yes, and cakes, biscuits and bacon butties. 
• Cook perfect, crispy roast potatoes – I can, I just choose not to. 
• Know songs for long car journeys – ‘The Laughing Gnome’ by David Bowie and ‘500 Miles’ by The Proclaimers. Sorted. 
• Knows how to let a man think it’s his idea – it’s why I’m so good at my job …

Otherwise, I fail miserably. Mind you, some of the points make me wonder exactly what a ‘lady’ looks like in 2015:

• Can paunch a rabbit, pluck a pheasant and gut a fish, but allows men the privilege – Downton Abbey lives on.
• Can imitate Piglet and Pooh voices for a bedtime story – back in the day, it was ‘Bob the Builder’ and ‘Pingu‘.
• Knows when to deadhead a rose – when it falls off?
• Knows when to take control in the bedroom and the boardroom – hmm. I don’t have a boardroom.
• Owns a little black dress – nope, I have skinny black trousers and natty flat shoes.
• Always has a hanky – I truly fail to see how this could make anyone a lady.
• Can silence a man with a stare and make a dog lie down with a hand signal – and vice versa – if I had this skill, my life would truly change. 

So it seems I am nowhere near being a lady. But you know what? I don’t think I’m missing out. I like handling a massive SDS drill like I was born to it. And I love driving a digger. But I also like shopping for a gorgeous new top and taking two hours to get ready to go out.

MS has pushed me to my boundaries and beyond. It’s only now, at my age, that I am discovering that I really can be … me?