Me: ‘You treat this place like a hotel’ (am I really saying this?)
Teenager: ‘Yeah? So sack the maid’ (chortle, snicker)
We have reached that Awkward Stage, lasting roughly from 9 months to 18 years of age.
The Teenager has re-written the rules of polite house-sharing, so here are his:
- Welcome to Hotel de la Stumbling! We hope you’ll have a comfortable stay (for years and years). Come in and don’t worry about taking off your muddy rugby boots/wet school shoes/soaked jackets. Just tramp through the house and make vacuuming that little bit more challenging. Drop your coat anywhere – we will pick up and return to the allotted coat-hook at no extra effort to you. We aim to make you feel at home.
- Perhaps you fancy a shower to freshen up? Feel free to use the host’s very expensive shampoo (for fine hair, in need of tender loving care), imported at great expense from America. And of course, there’s no need to pick up the towels or flush the toilet. You must use as much toilet roll as your heart desires. Why not end your luxurious experience by spraying yourself liberally (and then some) with a selection of our finest Lynx deodorants?
- As for on-site catering, we offer a home-cooked meal every day and should that not suit, we also offer an out-of-hours service whereby you may sneak down late in the evening to make toast and Nutella. As always, please don’t feel it is necessary to clean up after yourself. We are more than delighted to attend to this.
- Taxi service – always available. However, please be aware, last minute bookings are discouraged. We do request patrons allow us at least five minutes notice. Furthermore, any detours must be agreed with your driver, for example, to ensure we have the correct money for a drive-thru McDonalds.
- Guests. We naturally welcome any friends you may wish to bring back to our establishment, however we politely request you limit the number to five, with no more than two overnight. Extra Domino’s pizza can be arranged upon request.
We hope you enjoy your extended stay. Just one minor point – it may be helpful if you open your curtains at least once a day week. And we seem to have less crockery in the kitchen than usual. Finally, should you enjoy a tub of ice cream in your bedroom, please refrain from throwing out the spoon…
Is this an advert to bring back National Service?
Patrick,
I wish!!!!!
X
I am chuckling at this. Once a week I give up asking our 17 year old to bring his washing up down and fetch it myself because at this point the rest of us are taking it in turns to use the knife and fork he has graciously left us with!
I am not going to attempt to describe his room, quite frankly it’s embarrassing, so much so that the lack of daylight due to permanently closed curtains has become a bonus. Watch him leave the house though and there is not a quiffed hair out of place and his clothes are spotless and immaculately ironed.
And on the subject of dirth plates – how on earth do you fill up a teenage boy? Darned if I know!
‘dirty plates’ – finger control not so good these days! Every time I type a web address I have to delete a few W’s.
hey, me too!!!
x
I’m with you on this one. I now have no bowls left in the kitchen and have to fish cutlery from the bin. Yuk. And as for the lack of daylight – WHY??? Do they think they will somehow melt??
And yes, when he meets his friends, he miraculously emerges from his grotty bedroom looking groomed and, well, normal.
Meh.
x
Sorry for the delayed response (work has been a DISASTER lately and will continue for the next two weeks). Which brings me to: after that, can I come stay in Chez Stumbling? It sounds amazing! I assume, naturally, that there’s no lodging fee?
More than welcome my dear! As long as you can put up with a fug of Lynx????
x