At first, I put it down to pasta.
Then croissants, lattes and wholegrain rice.
It started with a slow but distinct rumbling and gurgling in my stomach and I thought no more of it.
Until it started to grow.
The upshot is, I have a hernia. I mean, what? Huh? How?
I’ve been to my Doctor and I’m waiting for a scan (‘the same one you get when you’re pregnant. You’re not pregnant are you?’ chirruped my Doctor, as I chuckled), but this lump in my stomach doesn’t seem to want to wait and grow at a semi-decent rate – it’s morphed from a cute little egg-size into a full-blown grapefruit in the space of weeks.
And it moves. Even the Doctor was impressed, and she’s probably seen everything, warts and all.
Of course, as with MS, I’ve been inundated with horror stories – aunties and uncles who ended up strangling their hernias or being strangled by them, hernias that popped, hernias that led to … more hernias. There’s even support groups out there, filled with more horror stories, along with some excellent advice (I am awaiting a hernia support belt – extra strong – as I write).
To be honest, it’s uncomfortable in the extreme. I may as well have a brick strapped to my stomach. I look weird in the mirror, my podgy belly is still there, but now with a pronounced lump on top of it.
In a bid to embrace this unexpected addition to my already raddled body, I’ve decided to name my hernia Phyllis. My MS has many names, most of which are too rude to publish. More often than not, it’s a malign shadow – the exact replica of my body, but completely different when it moves.
And that’s the great thing about hernias! Yup, there is one. It’s got a definable path. I know what to expect. I’ll most likely have a quick operation, where the Doctors open me up and squish everything back inside then staple me back together. Or strap me up with gaffer tape. I don’t mind, I’m easy.
It’s refreshing in a way. Like having a cut I know will heal. Or a headache I can take a tablet for. So although it’s dominating my life at the moment, it’s temporary and it will go.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we can one day say the same for MS?
Strangely enough, our Phyllis is also too rude to mention.
But she does not bring hernia-like pain. Rather she is pure joy for me and all other members of our weekly seated Yoga Class.
Yes, her rude jokes are not to be repeated for you or her Yoga mates and she insists on our weekly dose of embarrassment.
And yes it was a mistake for me to invite our Phyllis to join me in checking where I could park safely at a recent job interview ( ” I will come with you and show you where you can park. I have lived in the village for 30 years……….
Sorry , I do not drive and do nor recognise this road at all . Sorry ……
I now remember which is my left and which my right. I have got my L and R socks on today )
But if Phyllis cannot come to Yoga we all miss her a great deal. We have to be given a reason for smiling whereas with Phyllis we are most of the way there already.
Thank God for her kind of Phyllis I say.
Love to all of you and try to keep smiling X
I love this comment! We all need a Phyllis in our lives I think 🙂 Thank you for cheering me up! X
Oh poor you. As if you haven’t enough on your plate. But it’s so true. When I have a headache I take a Solpadeine and I can nearly feel it dissolving. With MS I have no idea if the medication is doing anything to help and if I were truthful most of the time my hunch is that it’s doing sweet damn all. Anyway hope what ever treatment you receive works wonders. Phyllis does seem to be quite a character….x
I know – no amount of meds ever make MS go away, even for a second. There’s always something going on. I almost enjoy a normal pain, just for the sheer bliss of taking a painkiller! X
So glad it’s nothing “sinister” but as if you didn’t have enough going on. Isn’t life odd?xx
It surely is! One thing after another! X
Remember Dean’s? The size of a rugby ball but they wouldn’t do anything for him unless it became strangulated, which, apparently is very painful and can be life threatening.
Hope that your GP manages it better for you than Dean’s did x
I’d forgotten 🙁 I really hope the hospital agrees to do something about it after they scan me. X
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