Cast Adrift

This is not shaping up to be the best week. I called the office for some feedback for the work I had done from home and had emailed over to them. The telephone call lasted 53 seconds. Great.

I have two months grace from being dismissed from my job for having MS. I still need to be able to contact the office. I hate working from home. I liked getting up in the morning, having my coffee, getting ready for work. Leaving the house.

I have been cast adrift and I am not enjoying it. Routine has disappeared. Coffees, once gulped down at the same time as doing my mascara, now take far longer. I sit in my dressing gown watching the news. 8.30am passes me by, the time I would normally be in the office.

I am sinking into lethargy. I am stressed. All my MS symptoms are coming back. My feet buzz and tingle incessantly, my left arm doesn’t work properly and I am unbalanced on my feet. I just want to go back to bed and pull the duvet over my head. I drove past my old workplace today. and I was so close to stopping the car, pressing the buzzer and yelling at them. How can they treat me like this? Why are they doing this to me?

In desperation, I went to my sister’s kiddy Hallowe’en party, just to get out the house. It was great to be surrounded by miniature Frankensteins, witches and Harry Potter’s. There was nothing else on their minds except grabbing the largest slice of pizza or getting the highest score on the Wii.

I need to get back into the swing of things. I need to maintain a routine. I don’t want to sink, but a big part of me thinks it would be far easier to give into it.

So, if you’re passing, knock my door and take me out. Anywhere, just out.



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8 thoughts on “Cast Adrift

  1. I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what to say but I just wanted to comment so you know u are not alone. I pray your symptoms calm down. Keep writing and letting it out. Hopefully someone will now comment with proper advice x

  2. stumbling in flats says:

    Thank you so much Pebbles! The blog is a great form of therapy. It keeps me sane! Don’t think the miserable weather is helping much, lol. x

  3. JJ says:

    Going through any period of transition can be challenging. Particularly as you are still tied to your former employer, so to speak.

    On a positive note, I would try to look upon these next couple of months as a huge opportunity to review your situation and think about what direction you want your life to take.

    You will then be in a position to see 2013 in with an exciting new plan for a brighter future . . .

    Warmest wishes,


  4. stumbling in flats says:

    That’s an excellent point Jan, thank you! I’m going to try to turn it round into something positive, otherwise I will just be letting them win. Again!
    Roll on a brand new year…x

  5. Thea says:

    Hello there, this is a bit random, but I hope it might inspire you…
    It’s regarding the photo you illustrated this post with. I don’t know if you know what the toy in the picture is?
    In case you don’t, it’s the mouse (Die Maus) from the massively popular German kids TV programme ‘Die Sendung mit der Maus’, and he/she is the most cheerful, resourceful little thing!
    So, die Maus may be abandoned in your photo… but it won’t bother him/her for long, because something new and wonderful will soon come along to engage his/her attention. And meanwhile, there’s a great view right here from this kerb stone 🙂

  6. stumbling in flats says:

    Hi Thea,

    I love that! I’d like to think I’m still resourceful and cheerful – despite everything…. thank you! x
    p.s I love your website

    • Thea says:

      Hi again 🙂
      I forgot to say that you can see die Maus in action on You Tube – just search for ‘Die Sendung mit der Maus’.
      Thanks for looking at my website. As you’ve probably noticed it’s brand new and I’m still finding my way, so your comment is especially appreciated!

  7. stumbling in flats says:

    I think you’ll do very well. Will search for my little mouse online! I love the image. Really summed up how I felt. X

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