On Sunday, it will be two years to the day that I was diagnosed with MS.
Two teeny-weeny years, but it feels like a lifetime ago. Unlike my six-month anniversary (totes pretentious sad, no?), this will be a time of positive and uplifting reflection.
I am throwing off the black mourning clothes, although I do look rather fetching and dramatic in black.
Maybe I’ll just keep the black eye-liner. And beret. Anyway, so here I am. Here is my list of things I feel truly grateful for:
- I have moved into the acceptance phase. At Long Last. I’ve gone from being scared beyond belief, waking in the wee small hours, to being well-informed, if still a little bit scared.
- My relationship with The Teenager is stronger than ever. He went to London one weekend three years ago and came back to a parent who was in hospital unable to speak or walk properly. He was only 11. We’ve had tears, heart-rending conversations and hugs. Just yesterday he asked me if I was going to die of MS. I was driving at the time, bit awkward, but we chatted about it and I reassured him I would be around long enough to show his great-grandchildren that photo of him sitting naked in a jumbo-sized plant pot when he was two.
- I have a brilliant support network. From our MS team here in Cardiff who are amazing to all you guys I’ve met through blogging and Twitter. When I stopped blogging a while back, it was as if I’d been unplugged from a power source. I can’t tell you how much I missed you all. You keep me sane(ish).
- I have a fabulous job with my best friend. Ok, so he might snigger when I trip over yet again, or forget what I was saying halfway through a conversation, but he’s been great. He employed me as soon as I was sacked from my last job, even though he hates paperwork with a passion.
- I finally finished my second degree (after much, much wailing and angst) and have signed up for an MA. Never would have happened without MS. It really does make you grasp life with both hands – no pun intended.
- This is an odd one – I don’t really remember my dad as he died when I was very young, but I feel somehow closer to him, more understanding of what he must have gone through, as he had MS too.
This Sunday, as much as I would like to host a tea party or climb some random mountain just to mark the day, I will be in work. Yup. Some things never change *waves to boss*
Good on you, I didn’t realise the effect my one year anniversary would have on me, will be ready for the next one, keep the faith 🙂
thank you!
I am keeping the faith, lol. x
Good for you. Lot of life to live. Had 4 days in the last week when I was hit by the most horrendous fatigue (been over 6 years since last had this) felt like somebody had sat a baby elephant on me. Wasn’t tired but just struggled to get off the sofa. Was starting to think I was just being lazy until 3.45pm on Tuesday (was lying on my bed sorting out the laundry and matching socks) when it suddenly felt as if quite literally someone had ‘lifted a great weight off my shoulders’. My mood lited instantly. Now I’m just really tired with wobbly legs but yet again things are on the up. Only thing I felt like doing for those 4 days was looking at trashy websites on my tablet. I didn’t have the energy to look at anything vaguely practical or mind expanding. Do you have ANY idea how much I now know about the upcoming 3rd marriage of Kim Kartrashian.. That’s really not something I can share with many people. Didn’t even have the energy to play Candy Crush!!!!!!
That sounds pretty tough 🙁 But am very jealous of your insider knowledge about the Kartrashians! I used to read Heat magazine. Says it all really!
X
The last couple of years, or it could be 3 I am not sure, are a bit of a blur but I do know that at some point I was misdiagnosed with a stroke, and again 6 months after that. Then a couple of months after that the doctor’s penny dropped which eventually led to an ms diagnosis.
When I read this blog it prompted me to think about when my ms anniversary was. But should it be the first ‘stroke’ or when I got a correct diagnosis. I could dig out the bulging folder of paperwork and sift through for dates (if you are diagnosed with a stroke all hell breaks loose and you are passed round a multitude of medical professionals, who all abandoned me when it was realised I was an imposter. I was still suffering all the difficulties but because they were due to ms suddenly I was not worthy of all the therapies/help.)But getting back to dates, do I really want to know? Will it become a thing that looms, I don’t know, but I do know it’s not something I will celebrate.
I have decided that ignorance is bliss and you know how they say every cloud has a silver lining? Well, I may just have found the upside to all that brain fog. 🙂
How awful for you. I hope you’re getting the proper treatment now.
I think I mean ‘celebrate’ in as much as I am surprised how far I have come in two years. I can’t turn the clock back but I can look to the future with more enthusiasm. Mostly thanks to the incredible MS team we have here. I will be forever grateful to my neuro who recommended I took Alemtuzumab, and the the MS nurses who are so, so supportive!!
It is weird I know the date. it’s seared on to my brain, right next to a lesion, lol.
I’m with you about brain fog – it can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. Lets you take life less seriously sometimes. Or is it me??
x
No you are right, it is difficult to hold onto stress and anxiety when you have no idea what it’s about! So not all bad,although the kids sometimes ‘remind’ me of things I have apparently said that they could do/have, I didn’t cotton on to that till the demands started escalating to ridiculous levels! Lol
That’s so weird! I get a LOT of that from The Teenager too. All these things I apparently said/promised. Glad it’s not just me!
x
a lot happened in those 2 years, and you didnt let the MS stop you from living in those 2 years like I have seem some people do. hmmm not sure if happy ms anniversary is a good thing to root for but if it means cake is involved then happy ms anniversary :p maybe someone at work will bring cake or donuts even :p
Perhaps more a celebration of what I’ve achieved, despite MS? As for cake – my boss took me to Whetherspoon’s for brekkie this morning. And!! As The Teenager is away, we are going out for a meal tomorrow, yay! No doubt we will spend entire evening talking about work though. But there will be chocolate/dessert involved, so I’m happy!
x