Hitting the Brick Wall

I am still tired. But tired doesn’t cover it. I have hit the infamous MS brick wall of fatigue head on.

It’s darned difficult to convey the whole MS fatigue thing to people, but I’ll try. I go to bed exhausted and have nine hours sleep. I wake up feeling as if my head’s just hit the pillow. Overnight, someone sat on both my arms, leaving them numb and painful. The sensation in my feet disappeared, so I walk like a wonky robot, not quite sure when I’m making contact with the ground.

My head’s been stuffed with cotton wool and I’m feeling spaced out and disorientated. My balance is shot to pieces and my hands shake. I am so, so, so tired.

I went out in the morning to pick up my blood test results and some books from the library. I looked awful. The matchsticks keeping my eyes open kept falling out and I staggered to the counter in the health centre. Holding on for dear life, I managed to ask for the results, stuffed the envelope in my bag, went back to the car and sat for fifteen minutes until I could get my head straight. In the library, I struggled to get the books in my bag and headed for home.

Now I will spend the next five hours until The Teenager is home from school trying to pull myself together. Luckily the annoying PPI companies have taken the hint and stopped calling, so the phone is quiet. The post has already been delivered and the cat is out.

I can’t remember the last time I thought, ‘ooh, it’d be lovely to have a little afternoon nap – what a treat’. Now it is an imperative, it’s something I have to do, rather than wanting to do. There is no other option. The alternative is to be a raving zombie with red-eyes and gibberish for conversation. If I sleep for two hours, I may just be able to reassemble the spaghetti carbonara ingredients I had to shelve yesterday, ready to have a home-cooked meal on the table for when The Teenager comes back from rugby.

Life goes on and sometimes I feel it is just passing me by while I sleep, but tomorrow is another day.

p.s. I would love to hear how other MSers describe fatigue to people?? I’m running out of ways to explain…


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4 thoughts on “Hitting the Brick Wall

  1. Jenny says:

    Rest up & hope it passes soon. I hate the fatigue – feels like someone’s pulled the plug out!!

  2. stumbling in flats says:

    Thanks Jenny!

    You’re right – that’s exactly how it feels. And it can happen so suddenly! Without warning, you have to go home and sleep. I’m sooooo bored being tired right now…

  3. Tony Cardis says:

    I don’t bother anymore only with other MSers, before MS I didn’t understand it, you run a marathon climb a mountain you are fatigued have asleep get up refreshed carry on..
    I even felt guilty it can’t be right sleep all night get up go to sleep on a sofa am I lazy ? Thankfully those round me could see this wasn’t normal and they are the only ones that matter.
    With others you can see them glaze over they don’t grasp it or just say all that sleep how lucky are you.
    So just tell those that matter and sod the rest
    The only down side for me is when I pass out on the sofa my Basset takes the opportunity to lick my face, it’s like been French kissed by a bull seal

  4. stumbling in flats says:

    Hi Tony!

    Your comment made me laugh. My cat licks my hand when I’m asleep and wakes me up, probably asking for more food.

    I know what you mean about explaining to non MSers. It really is so hard to find the words to describe the fatigue. And yes, I do feel ‘lazy’ at times!

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