I am still tired. But tired doesn’t cover it. I have hit the infamous MS brick wall of fatigue head on.
It’s darned difficult to convey the whole MS fatigue thing to people, but I’ll try. I go to bed exhausted and have nine hours sleep. I wake up feeling as if my head’s just hit the pillow. Overnight, someone sat on both my arms, leaving them numb and painful. The sensation in my feet disappeared, so I walk like a wonky robot, not quite sure when I’m making contact with the ground.
My head’s been stuffed with cotton wool and I’m feeling spaced out and disorientated. My balance is shot to pieces and my hands shake. I am so, so, so tired.
I went out in the morning to pick up my blood test results and some books from the library. I looked awful. The matchsticks keeping my eyes open kept falling out and I staggered to the counter in the health centre. Holding on for dear life, I managed to ask for the results, stuffed the envelope in my bag, went back to the car and sat for fifteen minutes until I could get my head straight. In the library, I struggled to get the books in my bag and headed for home.
Now I will spend the next five hours until The Teenager is home from school trying to pull myself together. Luckily the annoying PPI companies have taken the hint and stopped calling, so the phone is quiet. The post has already been delivered and the cat is out.
I can’t remember the last time I thought, ‘ooh, it’d be lovely to have a little afternoon nap – what a treat’. Now it is an imperative, it’s something I have to do, rather than wanting to do. There is no other option. The alternative is to be a raving zombie with red-eyes and gibberish for conversation. If I sleep for two hours, I may just be able to reassemble the spaghetti carbonara ingredients I had to shelve yesterday, ready to have a home-cooked meal on the table for when The Teenager comes back from rugby.
Life goes on and sometimes I feel it is just passing me by while I sleep, but tomorrow is another day.
p.s. I would love to hear how other MSers describe fatigue to people?? I’m running out of ways to explain…