Tag Archives: flats

Wardrobe Malfunction

Bella EmbergSo the great news is I’ve been shortlisted for an MS Society Award and the ceremony will be held at The Dorchester in October.

The bad news is the ceremony will be held at The Dorchester in October. October! Four weeks today to be precise.

I have been googling ‘Drop A Tonne of Weight in 28 Days’, but short of swallowing a tapeworm, I’ve resigned myself to looking more like Bella Emberg from the Roly Polys (see left) than Cara Delevingne’s frumpy cousin.

Steroids, fatigue and a complete sense of inertia have conspired to pack on the weight over the last two years. I hold my hands up (hang on, let me just put my Cheezy Puffs down), it’s my fault too. When your whole world is falling apart, what’s a box or two of Maltesers going to add to it? And that lovely creamy Greek yoghurt with added honey just sweetens the bitter pill.

The phrase ‘I have nothing to wear’ has never been more apt. Problem number one – flat shoes – how to look suitably glamorous in them? Even if I could squeeze myself into a beguiling little cocktail number, surely the effect would be ruined without even a tiny heel?

A friend helpfully suggested I should forget all about wearing a dress and choose a smart trouser suit instead. And invest in a head-to-toe Spanx bodysuit. And have one of those miracle weight-loss treatments three hours before, where you get wrapped up in clingfilm and covered in towels. Hmm. I would quite possibly faint from MS heat intolerance and spend the ceremony lying comatose across three chairs in the nearest A&E.

Problem number two – how to look glam in a trouser suit without looking like I’m going to a job interview? Problem number three – how to not stumble/drop food down myself/smash a glass during the event. Do you think they’d mind if I took one of my plastic wine glasses along? And a bib?

You can see why I’m a bit worried. And not only that, when I asked The Teenager what he’d be wearing, he mumbled, ‘hoodie, innit, but don’t stress, I’ll wear my smart trainers’. Ye gods.

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Stumbling In Style…

MS Trust Shoes 2 MS Trust ShoesThese are quite possibly the best, most stylish, most beautiful pair of flats I have ever owned – the lovely and talented Helena at MS Trust customized them for me after I hankered after a gorgeous pair of high heels she created.

They’re currently living on my desk so I can admire them and I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity to launch them into society.

The shoes led on to a Twitter discussion about what else we could customize – I suggested a blue hard hat for work? Tagline – ‘When your world crumbles around you, there’s always the MS Trust…’

The Builder thinks that’s a brilliant idea, as it could possibly mean I will do more work, rather than eating bacon butties, texting and pointing out that his measurements are wrong.

Anyway, I absolutely adore my new shoes – they are a work of art. I’m tempted to frame them, but that would be a waste. They need to be seen! So if anyone would like to take me out to show them off, just let me know…

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It’s Official – I’m A Trendsetter…

It's fashion, darlingYes, that’s right, the fashion world has finally listened to me – flat shoes are bang on trend for 2013.  Totes amazeballs or what? Crack open the Bolly, dahlings! According to Roberto Cavalli, speaking from his Milan fashion show, flat shoes are ‘cool and it’s all coming from London.’

Well, ok, I may be 150 miles from London but obviously the fashionistas have heard my anguished pleas and are taking up my cause in droves. I was far too busy to be interviewed exclusively for Vogue, but luckily, the footwear buying manager for Selfridges was quoted as saying, ‘It’s a revolution…flats are selling out across every price point.’

After MS cruelly robbed me of my high heels and sashaying walk, I have been resigned to stumbling around in flats, head no longer held high. No one was happier than me when ballet flats briefly flooded the high street, but they’re not exactly statement shoes, are they?

Over the last couple of years though, I have slowly built up a nice little collection of smart flats and casual flats, with a pair of Converse thrown in for when I want to ‘hang’ with The Teenager. He may not let me borrow his SuperDry hoodie ( trying too hard to be cool), but he’s ok with the blue Converse.

Flats to one side, what other heel-less shoes are cool? Sandals, I don’t think so. Flip-flops – have you seen someone with MS trying to walk in flip-flops? Wellies? Er, no. A fellow Tweeter suggested Doc Martin boots and I did try, but they bring back far too many tragic memories of stomping round various teenage haunts, drinking cider and black (do NOT tell The Teenager) and wearing long skirts with mirrors sewn along the hem. The stripy tights I wore with them still haunt me.

This exciting news has therefore reconfirmed our true status – where us MS’ers lead, the fash-pack follows. Of course, they are down-playing my role in this and are suggesting it’s all thanks to the Duchess of Cambridge influencing the new fashion trend, but I reckon Kate’s read my blog and has kindly championed me, bless her.

So, I am off to put together some stylish outfits, accessorised with an array of dazzling flats. I may even do that fashion-y thing of putting them in boxes and sticking Polaroids of them on the front – how divine!

Watch out world, I’ve got my sassy flats on…

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Why ‘Stumbling In Flats?’

I’ve had some  messages asking me to explain the title of my blog, so get yourselves comfortable and I will tell you the whole sorry saga.

I’m quite tall for a woman, and I was pretty tall in school. I longed to be a dinky little thing, one of those cute girls the rugby blokes would be quick to take under their wing and look after. No such luck. So, I slouched. I wore Doc Martin boots, long skirts edged with tiny mirrors and grungy tops. All through sixth form, I was group-less, so belonged to the group of all the people who didn’t belong to any group.

When I was 18, I decided against taking up my place in University and moved to Europe instead. I swapped the grunge for crisp white shirts and smart jeans, and if I was feeling particularly adventurous, a jaunty neck-scarf. The next step was exchanging my Doc Martins for elegant, Italian-made leather ankle boots, with a glorious heel.

Well, it was a life-changer. I did not walk, I strode. I sashayed. Head  and shoulders back, I adored strutting my stuff. I had a bit of a setback in Poland though, when a bunch of friends and I  headed off to stock up on cheap fags and beer. We ended up staying in a dodgy hostel where we were told to leave our shoes outside the door. Polish tradition, no?

The next morning, my beautiful boots were gone. I cried. A lot. I drove back home in a borrowed pair of too-small flip-flops. Lesson learned, I saved up for another pair and never looked back.  Until MS came along. I may as well have been walking on stilts. I simply could no longer wear heels at all.

My ‘walk’ became a ridiculous shuffle, eyes downcast, watching the floor. Foot drop was the bane of my life. So, with a heavy heart, I gave my last two pairs of heels to a good friend of mine. It was a sad, sad day. And since then, the closest I have to heels are cowboy boots. How depressing.

I miss my walk. I miss striding and sashaying. I hate foot drop. But it’s happened. I have a whole bunch of beautiful flat shoes. But, hey, I still stumble…

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