The Mallet Theory

the mallet theory 2When I first mentioned my Mallet Theory in a previous post, it drew a great response from you guys, so here is the full, unabridged version.

Ok, so most of us have heard about the Spoon Theory, and whilst I like it, I find it a little bit…..gentle? Spoons are such handy little things. Unoffensive.

You explain to your friends and family that with MS, you have a set amount of energy in one day, represented by a number of spoons, and you give one or more away depending upon how much energy you’ve used. When they’re gone, they’re gone.

Me? I prefer the Mallet Theory. MS fatigue isn’t gentle. It’s a whack across the head by a mind-numbing, poleaxing, utterly devastating Mallet of Fatigue. So, say you start the day with ten mallets. You chuck one away (if you have the energy) every time you feel this crushing tiredness and if you’re left with any at the end of the day, it’s been a good one.

Unfortunately, you can’t carry any over into the next day. MS is cunning like that – you start each day right back at the beginning. There’s no saving them up, which is kind of hard to explain to other people. They might helpfully suggest, ‘oh, if you have a sleep now, you can go out later.’ You don’t get to choose when to sleep, you’re compelled to. I’ve had mornings when I wake up bright and breezy at 7am, and am zonked out on my sofa by 10am.

I’d like to expand this theory by allowing people with MS a second set of mallets per day, and here’s where it gets exciting. This second set can be used for when people say something totally ridiculous to you. Something along the lines of , ‘you’re still drinking Diet Coke? Don’t you know that probably caused your MS?’ or ‘wish I could sleep as much as you’. Yeah, right. Have this mallet over your head, you annoying person, you.

Obviously I’m not advocating actual violence, no matter how much you may be tempted. This is purely metaphorical. Since incorporating this theory into my life, I’ve had hours of fun. So, pass the theory on – anything to do with MS that can raise a smile can’t be bad.


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40 thoughts on “The Mallet Theory

  1. Sally says:

    HAMMER TIME!!!! Doo doodoo doo! Can’t touch this. No?????

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Love it!!! I will now have that theme tune going through my mind every time I mentally whack someone with a mallet, lol.

  2. Tricia says:

    ¥¥¥¥. H I T. ME. ¥¥¥

  3. Tricia says:

    I think Timmy Mallet, should pop up and hit them for us, I no I am showing my age, 50 next Sunday lol

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Happy Birthday for next week! I feel like I’ve had a whole month of fab celebrations – turning 40 has been great fun, lol.
      Wouldn’t it be great to rope in Timmy Mallet as an MS spokesperson?!

  4. Sally says:

    TIMOTHY CLAYPOLE!!!!!! MR MEACHER!!!! WITCH HAZEL!!!! Class! And no we don’t want Timmy Mallet as a spokesperson. Just NO!!! 🙂

    • stumbling in flats says:

      True, sad fact – I used to have a crush on Timothy Claypole. How???? And yes, you’re right, Timmy Mallet would be a dreadful idea. Same as Mr Blobby. How about Fingerbobs or Mr Ben (as if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared). I have lovely memories of a very odd Scottish programme – Glen Michael’s Cavalcade, with a talking oil lamp.
      Any Americans reading this, please don’t get too confused – British tv for kids back then was probably all written by people who’d taken illegal substances in the 60s, lol.
      p.s. in particular Rainbow. I rest my case…..

  5. Tricia says:

    Can any of you remember the Herbs, and what was the Magic Roundabout about, loved watching but never sure what they where all about, will have to watch again. LOL x

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Don’t remember the Herbs, but do remember Magic Roundabout. That was a weird one! Definitely written ‘under the influence’, lol

  6. David Sinclair says:

    My wife was into Poo Bear and co, also telly tubbies and bag puss, finger bob, the Moonies, Andy Pandy, Magic Roundabout.I could go on, and she loved herb cookies the special ones, occasionally she was serious.

  7. Sally says:

    Oh COME ON! You have to remember the Herbs. Parsley the friendly lion. Dill the Dog. But my utter fav, Mary, Mungo and Midge. My kids absolutely love my Rhubarb and Custurd DVD. Still funny. Oh no you’ve started me off again. On a more serious note Hacker T Dog would make a marvellous spokesperson. (Current CBBC puppet). Have even watched him when the kids aren’t here. Ahem!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Nope, still don’t remember the Herbs?? Did they have it in Scotland? I do adore Rhubarb and Custard though, especially the manic theme tune.
      Must research Hacker T Dog. Last time I looked at Cbeebies (small nephew over, so not CBBC) there were these crazy singing potatoes and a rasta-mouse. How times have changed!

  8. Sally says:

    Oh yeah we had it n Scotland. Do you remember Mr Magica (with Stanley Baxter) on ITV. Rastamouse sucked! Lol

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Must have missed that one! I do remember Mr Magica. Blast from the past!! And Supergran. I’m feeling rather nostalgic tonight. Must be an age thing!

  9. Samantha Thompson says:

    Love it, great post.

    Joining in on the old programmes, Bagpuss was a favourite <3
    Does anyone remember Chorlton and the Wheelies? I absolutely adored that, still do.
    I have an unfinished knitted Bagpuss project, must get it done but waiting for a good mallet day!!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thanks Sam!
      Bagpuss takes me back to lovely, carefree days. So gentle and twee.
      I’ve heard of Chorlton but I don’t think I ever saw it. Just remembered about Camberwick Green and Trumpton too. Those were the days!!
      If you’re making knitted Bagpusses, please put me down for one!

  10. Sally says:

    ” chorlton will take you for a ride around the town of wheelie world do do do doooo”. Gin focuses my mind and o am nw humming tha tune. Or how about jaaaaaamie, Jamie and the magic torch. Ok no more gin tonight. Run out of tonic anyway

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I’ve never heard of Jamie, but funnily enough, my boss just phoned about work and I asked him – blimey, he absolutely loved it and started singing the theme tune, the strange person.
      If you’ve run out of tonic, just add a load of ice and a squeeze of lemon, trust me 😉

  11. Sally says:

    Jamie and his dog Wordsworth. Make it stop! Make it stop! I’m here all week. Thnk ya very much!

  12. Tricia says:

    Everyone don’t forget Button Moon x x

  13. Sally says:

    We’ve been to button moon and followed mr spoon. Button moo oo n
    Moo ins – my daughter had the quilt cover, we all have a mug, mine is Mormon momma ( friends in Scandinavia and always end up with loads of Moomin stuff over the years.

  14. Angela says:

    Better then the spoon theory and more apt ….x

  15. David Sinclair says:

    Morning gosh just like my wife, such good memory, how about the clangers, I have 1 left to me among others but its battery has run out due to my granddaughters pressing the tummy. Bag puss still yawns and the poo bears talk and Eeyore still sings his song. I used to do telly tubby toast for her.
    Thank you for all the blogs, they help me a lot.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thanks David!
      It’s been a big trip down memory lane, lol. Am surprised my memory has taken me that far back!
      Don’t remember the Clangers, but have heard of them. I woke up with the theme tune of the Red Hand Gang in my head. Funny which direction the blogs go in the comments…

      • David Sinclair says:

        Vicki’s memory was really good, I used to think it was the only good thing from the MS, plus it brought us closer together.
        I know it can be hard most of the time, but Vicki used her schooling a lot in what she did often saying you must seize the day or carpe diem as they say.
        Anyway have a good day, work rest and play in any order when you feel like it.


        • stumbling in flats says:

          I think that’s lovely!
          It is hard a whole lot of the time, but I really do think MS makes you appreciate things so much more. I’m a big fan of saying Carpe Diem. MS puts a whole lot of stuff in perspective and that can’t be bad.
          You guys have a good day too. It’s a beautiful, bright, Autumny day here, my favourite kind of weather.

          • David Sinclair says:

            I am off soon with my daughter and 3 young granddaughters to play in Cannock Chase Forrest, they have a thicket set aside for Tinker Bell and friends.


          • stumbling in flats says:

            Sounds divine! Have a wonderful day.

  16. David Sinclair says:

    Morning, Had a really great time with my daughter and granddaughters, nearly 3 5 and 8, they all wanted to ride on my powerchair with me. Up and down banks through the grass and ferns, winding our way through the thicket to look at and leave a note to the fairies, round the trees. Lovely pic nick cup of tea and a glass of wine and ice cream. Then back home with just my cats, so quiet and very tired after 6 hours of play I went to bed.
    So another day what to do?

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That sounds wonderful! Hope you had glorious weather.
      I’ve just spent the last couple of hours school shoe shopping with the teenager. Never. Again. Am going for a lie down in a darkened room…

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