Que Sera Sera

spinsterSome people know just how to pop my little bubble of happiness.

I had finally finished watching the film ‘Love and Other Drugs’ – took me three days with all the pausing and starting as essay inspiration struck.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a recap: handsome man falls in love with beautiful woman who has young-onset Parkinson’s.

They split up a few times but then they get back together, Parkinson’s and all. Love apparently conquers everything.

Anyway, I got talking to a close friend about the film and as I was waxing lyrical, she interrupted me and said, ‘well, yeah, it’s Hollywood. Not going to happen in real life, is it? I’m sorry to say but I think you’re going to have to get used to being single. You know, what with the (whisper) MS thing’.

Before I resorted to violence, I remembered that this was the same person who once told me you can gauge whether or not someone is single from how high the pile of books is at their bedside. The reckoning is, if you’re out gallivanting with a Significant Other, you won’t have time to read books.

I’ve just been upstairs and counted. I have eight books on my table, and a photograph of me and The Teenager circa 2009. Plus I have a large canvas of some barren, wintry trees and a lone cyclist on the wall above my bed. ‘Nuff said. Maybe she has a point?

It got me thinking. Her remarks were infuriating in two ways; first to me but also to the people who can see beyond MS and fall in love with a person for who they are, MS and all. I guess I was unlucky. The person I was with during diagnosis skedaddled for the door so speedily he couldn’t open it fast enough. It took me two months of mourning before I recycled his toothbrush into a handy wotsit for cleaning round the taps.

I remain single. To be honest, and it’s not an excuse, it’s been an enlightening way of discovering how empowering it can to be. Solitude has been a patient teacher. Yet, I appear to be ‘damaged goods’. Believe me, being over 40 (only a year, mind) and divorced with a Stroppy Teenager is a death knell in itself for finding a life-companion, even without the MS thrown in.

So, if I am alone for the rest of my life, so be it. I refuse to engage in the whole coquettish  ‘ooh, get me in a sparkly dress with a hold-everything-in contraption, and l’il ol’ me over 40!’ Just waiting, desperately, longingly,  for someone, anyone to reply, ‘you? Over 40? Well I never! Drink?’.

Nope, I’d far rather keep on wearing my jeans, schlepping to Uni and understanding, for the first time, that there is more to life than a possibly-elusive search for ‘The One’. When/if it happens,  it will  happen.

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10 thoughts on “Que Sera Sera

  1. 1. I love that picture (crazy cat lady: check!)
    2. Your friend made a very annoying comment
    3. You are hilarious
    4. I have about 10 books by my bed
    5. Meh indeed

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I absolutely love your comments! Thank you.
      I think I am the same as you, although my solitary cat has given up and headed outside. Meh. Doesn’t she know there will be a frost tomorrow?!
      As for hilarious, I aim to please!

  2. bambi says:

    How infuriating! Apart from the always annoying presumption that you need a partner to be happy ms has not stopped me dating and when i joined a dating site this year and wrote in my profile about my ms & walking stick (as well as being a live in carer) it did not stop me getting messages and didn’t stop me meeting my awesome and supportive bf!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That’s so encouraging, thank you!
      Guess I’m lazy. I eye up the stoods at Uni then remind myself I am old enough to be their mother. Perspective and all that..,
      P.S. What’s your secret??

  3. a person doesn’t need a partner to be happy, its very out dated thinking and said by people who are usually pretty miserable

    people who have MS (and a lot of other diseases), do find a partner if they want to. it does happen, so this person needs to really think before they open their mouth and not lump all people with a disability in one lump

    better tell my husband to bugger off, I have MS, I should be single :p If a person stays around after an MS diagnoses, they are a keeper, if not, they were not worth the time

    • stumbling in flats says:

      So true! Having something like MS truly does sort the men from the boys, lol.
      Think my former friend has a very outdated concept of life and what it means to live with MS. We don’t suddenly change overnight!

  4. Jonny says:

    I have to say this…Jackson was a lovely cat, a real darling, we had him from when he was 6 weeks and every second with him was a treat especially his unconditional love!

    He was knocked down, more clipped, out on the Road I think the shock of it all was the reason he passed away. We now have Milka, Jackson’s wee sister and she has settled in…..finds all the warm places (a great central heating pipe detector) but…..she does tend to hog the best chair…..


  5. Amanda says:

    I am a firm believer that we women, do not need a man. I was very happy single and I had given up on finding someone- I have MS- that is a turn off. Then something wonderful happened I sat beside this wonderful man at my best friend’s wedding and I we have been dating happily ever since. I tell you this not to gloat, but to say the good men are out there. This past Monday after being up in the night in pain, thanks MS hug- he brought me dinner because he knew I would be fatigued. They are out there- I swear don’t loose hope.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Such an amazing thing to hear, thank you! They always say you find love when you least expect it, don’t they?
      I haven’t given up hope as such, more that I am making my own life as fulfilling as possible, without relying on anyone else to do this for me. When/if I meet the right person, it will be a wondrous bonus 🙂

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