You’d think, wouldn’t you, that what with teenagers uploading photos of everything they do, it would be fairly simple to ask my own Teenager to have his photo taken?
Just one teeny problem with this; the photo would be with me.
His Mother.
Apparently, this is so far beyond the realms of excruciatingly embarrassing as to be virtually unimaginable.
I brought up the subject gently, i.e. I stood guard by the fridge as he crashed through the door after school, shedding bag, blazer and tie in a path of devastation towards the kitchen.
‘Erm, you know how I’m turning the blog into a book?’
‘Huh’? Muuuuuuuuum, lemme open the fridge. Starvin’.
‘Well, you’re in the blog quite a lot and I think it would be lovely if we had a photo of both of us? Oi, one bagel, not three.’
He glanced up from the toaster with a look of absolute horror on his face. I guessed this wasn’t going to plan.
‘I’ve got a few ideas….’
‘No way. Noooooooo way. Where’s the butter?’
‘Here. Go on (wheedling voice), I’m dedicating the book to you. Got a few ideas. And I don’t even mind if you pull a silly face behind my back, like you normally do?’
‘Lame. Way lame.’
‘Ok, how about we stand back to back?’
‘Lame -er.’
I dropped it. Christmas is just round the corner, maybe we could get someone to take a sneaky photo or ten?
This could quite possibly be the biggest challenge of the entire book project. Not the editing down from several hundred pages of blog posts. Not choosing which font to use or writing an introduction. Or writing a blurb about me (eek) – first or third person?
No, it will be coercing The Teenager into a photograph in less than three takes.
And there was me thinking I could pose with a book, pen (which is strange as I use a computer to write the blog posts, natch) and a slightly melancholy, whimsical look on my face. Perhaps at an angle, with arty shadows. I could even learn how to wear a beret with sophistication and elegance.
Maybe we could have separate photos?
Or maybe I should just hire a cartoonist to sketch us. Could be simpler?
offer him pizza for a month to get a photo? :p
Was thinking about that….
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He must have a passport or what about an embarrassing picture of him in a nappy? Surely you must have something like that. Think of the blackmail possibilities.
Yup, have threatened him with that. Have a cracking one of him sitting naked in a huge plant pot 🙂 Could do the trick!
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Oh yes, good luck with the book. Is it an Amazon self publication or have you hassled a real publisher?
I’ve threatened myself with an Amazon book next year. I’ll send you a review copy, it’ll be oh so boring.
Thank you!
Yup, Amazon Create. Doubt anyone else would publish me, lol.
Just seemed a shame to leave over two years worth of writing on the blog, especially now I’m doing the MA in creative writing! Very exciting. Got some fabulous quotes for the front cover and have found a genius who’s helping me pull it all together ready for publishing. Watch this space! Just got to finish pesky essay first, meh.
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