The Daily Fail

fifties housewifeAfter a cup of strong black coffee, I force myself to look at the Daily Mail every morning.

Before you start pelting me with rotten tomatoes, I read it to keep up with what the fabled Middle England thinks of benefits ‘scroungers’. And disabled people. And single mums. And mums who only have one child. I could go on. Knowledge is power.

Anyway, my particular gripe today is their ‘Femail’ section, published each Thursday. Here’s a selection of last week’s illuminating articles:

  • The couple who say the secret of a happy marriage is NOT having children – selfish and deluded or just honest?
  • The nun who ached to have a baby.
  • Would you let your man pack your holiday case?
  • I’m anorexic but love Bake Off. 
  • Simple tricks to look 10 years younger.
  • The real reason you’re stressed….SUGAR.
  • The new parenting fad experts fear could KILL your baby. 
  • The five shoes every woman should own. 
  • Quicker chores. 

If this is a snapshot of today’s modern woman, just hand me a bottle of Fairy Liquid and chain me to the kitchen sink in protest. Apart from the fact it’s truly astounding we even have a dedicated women’s section in a national newspaper (we can’t handle the proper news, eh?), this section consistently rams home the same old dreary message week after week: all women (even nuns) want children, and if they don’t, there’s something wrong with them. All mothers need expert guidance, or we could kill our babies.

We also all want to lose weight (either that or we’re at the anorexic end of the spectrum), look younger, need tips for whizzing through the housework faster, presumably to allow us more time to affectionately tease our ‘men’ when we let them pack our suitcases for us only to sigh at their helpless, endearing incompetence. Men, eh?

The subtext message is even more sinister than just wanting to keep us in a Prozac-ed version of the 1950’s. The paper consistently pits women against each other – who can forget the Samantha Brick ‘I’m so beautiful’ furore? We might laugh at this ridiculous newspaper, although their ‘experts’ could quite feasibly claim too much laughter leads to cellulite (here’s 10 top tips to deal with this orange-peeled menace!), but the fact is, The Daily Fail has a daily readership of over 4 million and their website has over 100 million unique visitors a month.

Don’t ask my opinion though, I’m far too busy whipping up a tasty meal for my man. Oh. I don’t have a man. Maybe it’s the cellulite?

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12 thoughts on “The Daily Fail

  1. Jill says:

    Wonderfully written – beautifully tongue in cheek – a good start to my day 🙂

  2. Craig Parker says:

    I think the thing is mens magazine are styled to what the ‘typical’ man wants to read. A.K.A far from what the ‘typical’ man wants to read. I’ve got far from a 6 pack (fantastic excess skin from being huge and losing loads of weight) and I’m sat at home rarely going out ‘with the lads’ because I have a wife (who I decided I want to be with!) and child (who we decided to have) but it’s the exact opposite to the Daily Fail’s article in that there’s rarely a mention of kids. Although there is weight loss and nowadays anti-aging is making an appearance. It’s sadly the news that is ridiculous yet sells in volume!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That’s really interesting -never thought of it that way before, that there’s never any articles about kids in mags for men’s lifestyles. Hmm. Even more sexist!!

  3. i really try to avoid the daily fail as much as i can because its not even an interesting paper. and i just end up mad reading articles from it

    the one one from a few weeks ago pissed me off. perfectly happy not having kids, and i know plenty of women that feel the same

    it does bug me that so many people read the daily fail and believe what is in it without checking facts or actually thinking for themselves and not being a sheeple

  4. Jenny says:

    Not sure if this link will work or not – if it doesn’t, just search Dan and Dans Daily Mail song on You Tube. Brilliant!

  5. Haha – oh, wait! I’m getting more cellulite reading your blog. Blast!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Oh yes, The Daily Wail certainly says so. You should read their medical supplement on Tuesdays. It’s a wonder we get out of bed. Basically, everything can kill you/is bad for you/is a deathtrap/the world is doomed. Meh.

  6. Julie says:

    I look at their website most days much in the same way I would look at a car crash. (squinting through semi closed fingers)
    I suppose I should find another website to read the ‘news’ on but they have lots of pictures that are sometimes quite interesting. The BBC website is good for facts but rubbish for the light hearted stuff.
    I steer clear of anything medical in the DM because their articles contradict each other and it gets really confusing!
    I think the only women I have read about on there that I could even slightly relate to are the 70 something model with long grey hair or the plus size models – in other words the fat and/or the grey!!

    • stumbling in flats says:

      i’m with you on that one – I hate the medical articles. Pure scaremongering most of the time. In fact, there’s not much about the Daily Mail I actually like!
      I catch up with news on BBC website too. And I like Channel 4 news. I’m a bit of a news junkie- was married to a journalist so probably got it from him, lol.
      Apart from that, I read everything I can get my hands on and luckily my reading part of my brain has decided to start working again after taking an MS break!

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