Waking Up In La-La Land

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is mentally scan myself, checking for any sneaky MS symptoms before stumbling my way to the shower.

Then it’s feeding the cat, flinging a couple of Weetabix at The Teenager, organising schoolbag/handbag, meds, coffee, make-up, to-do lists, washing up, sorting laundry, more coffee.

All pretty normal? A scene played out up and down the country?

Nope. Helena “I don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000” Christensen was recently plugging her latest lingerie collection and put her name to an entire article about underwear with some sage advice for us lesser mortals.

She suggests creating a ritual out of selecting and putting your underwear on by lighting a candle first, as ‘there’s something about the scent and the low flickering light that’s good for early starts.’  Bizarrely, she confesses she never has time to find matching socks or underwear, but finds it ‘inspiring’ to mix pieces. So that’s alright then.

Helena, love, it’s simple really. Ditch the diptych candles and hey presto, you’ll have time to find your matching socks.

Anyway, once you’ve successfully completed the tricky task of selecting your underwear, another person with too much time on their hands, Calgary Avansino (no, me neither)  recently had a three page spread where she shares her breakfast smoothie recipe with the world.

The twenty ingredients include chia seeds, coconut water, baobab powder, bee pollen, lacuma powder, maca powder, frozen kale and half a courgette. Oh, and some mint leaves which she keeps a stock of in her freezer. No doubt she grows the stuff herself in her specially-designed herb garden.

She is beautifully photographed in her fabulous kitchen, hair perfect, designer dress and high-heeled shoes on, wrists laden with artfully-chosen jewellery and surrounded by rustic bowls of fruit and vegetables, a vast array of tubs and jars and a cute kid with silver shoes on.

Now, I have nothing against Helena promoting her underwear or Calgary plugging her website per se but what I do object to are the endless unattainable ‘lifestyles’ us normal women are bombarded with on a daily basis. Don’t these people know anything about real life? Most of us wake up worried about money, jobs, MS – not whether our housekeeper has re-stocked the candle supply or if we’ve run out of bee pollen….

p.s. Do tea-lights from IKEA count?

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15 thoughts on “Waking Up In La-La Land

  1. Jenny says:

    Me, attempting to light candles in the morning? That’s an accident waiting to happen! I thought I was ambitious enough making porridge from scratch this morning…..

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Tell me about it! Apart from the dodgy hands, it would probably give the Teenager too many ideas, lol. I mean, who does that???
      Now, making porridge from scratch, that takes real skill, so hats off to you! I always make it too runny. And I’m Scottish….

  2. Tony Cardis says:

    A mans world is so much easier.Our morning routine is fart, scratch, shower.
    And there’s not always time for the shower 🙂

  3. Excellent! I’ve been wondering what to do with my extra baobab powder and bee pollen (you know I have several hives I tend in the backyard, right?). Now I know: smoothies!

    The only advantage I can see in putting on lingerie by candlelight is that it’s harder to see how much you DO NOT resemble Helena C. in lingerie by the forgiving glow of a single tea light placed in a distant corner.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Exactly my dear. I don’t need any reminder that I do not indeed resemble a supermodel in any shape or form. It’s like the time I read that Gwyneth Paltrow eats naked to stop her from over-indulging. I mean, really. If I looked like her, I’d be parading on a horse through town like Lady Godiva.
      p.s. I love what the comedian Eddie Izzard said about bee-keepers – ‘I’m a bee keeper. I keep bees. I’m never going to let them go’. Or something.

  4. Jenny says:

    If I start prancing around in the morning in “lingerie” lighting candles, not only will hubby get confused he’ll probably get the complete wrong idea, and we can’t have any of THAT on a weekday, especially not before work!! 😉

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That made me laugh! Men, eh?? If I lit a candle, my son would think I was turning into a goth. Emo? Not sure what the kids call it these days, lol.
      As my son would say, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’. Celebrities really do live on a different planet.

    • HA! That made me laugh too!

  5. Sally says:

    Jenny – m hubbie would think the same as yours. Men! 🙂

  6. scot says:

    Hi all , just wanted say this post really made me laugh , and I totally agree w/ Jenny , I can’t imagine me w/ any source of fire , especially first thing in the morning !!! Wow I keep seeing my house burning down to the ground all for the sake of my underwear :-0 …. though I gotta say that I think if there was a woman who wanted to follow that routine I guess I would have to say I would enjoy my morning a whole lot more 😉 !!!! Anyways , again GREAT POST ,and really good comments to .

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Hi Scot,
      I’ve just had an awful image of me watching my house burned down, holding my underwear. What would the firemen say??

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