What Is Grief?

I’ve written about the MS Grieving Process in my blog; our health is compromised, our lives change and we need the chance to mourn.

It’s a terrible, horrendous time more often than not, especially as we’re usually fairly young when we’re diagnosed.

I thought I knew how grief felt – because of MS, I had already lost my dad at a very young age to a rapidly evolving form of MS back in the 1970’s and then my partner and my job disappeared when I was diagnosed.

Now I know, I knew nothing about grief

The grief of losing a sibling is beyond anything I have ever experienced.

My brother died two weeks ago and we are heartbroken.

In my head, I race through memories, his quirks and his mannerisms. I can conjure him up in the blink of an eye. I can hear him speak. He was so utterly vibrant, it’s difficult to imagine him inanimate.

We spent 46 years together. And now, he is gone. The realisation that he no longer walks on this earth is bizarre.

Grief is cruel, breathtaking and vicious.

We are all living in a new world now, one in which my brother does not exist. And that blows my mind. His Celebration is two weeks away and he will be buried in a woodland near to where he found true happiness.

I last saw him in July – he’d driven up from Down South and we had a fantastic catch up. He was full of plans for the future, asking lots of questions about starting a blog where he could share everything he had discovered over the years. He had helped so many people through his quest for enlightenment.

I’m in the shock stage. I know he is gone, but am finding it hard to accept.

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18 thoughts on “What Is Grief?

  1. Catherine Davies says:

    Sending my sincere condolences to you and your family x

  2. Ann says:

    Sorry for your loss. It is awful. I know how you feel as I lost my sister when she was 45. Nothing anyone could say will make it any easiest. Thinking about you. See you soon. Xx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thank you Ann. I didn’t know about your loss, I’m so sorry. It’s just so hard to put into words. Hopefully I’ll see you at the MS meeting on Monday. X

  3. Sue Johnson says:

    What a sad post Barbara – so sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your brother. Sending thoughts and love to you at this terrible time for you and your family x

  4. Donna Taylor says:

    So very, very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all.

  5. Karen says:

    So so sorry to hear this , treasure your memories and he will never be far away . Death never seems right natural or wharever but especially on one so young.
    My thoughts are with you at this time , it’s not much but all I can offer.
    Karen xx

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thank you Karen! I will definitely treasure the memories. I seem to be flooded by them, every day. It’s just so weird πŸ™ X

  6. Carina Muss says:

    Let me send you my deep condolences. I remember when my mother passed away nine years ago, I was so grief-stricken and in a state of shock….I kept seeing her face and expecting the phone to ring and to hear her voice on the other line. It took me many years to recover and I could not get used to the fact that I would never see her again. Take things easy, one step at a time.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Carina, what a lovely comment, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it will take a while to get through this, like you say. Such a lot to get my head around. Thinking of you too. X

  7. Joan (Devon) says:

    I am sorry for your loss, Barbara. Was he your only sibling?

    Grief is a personal thing and every one is different to how they cope with it. I worked with someone once who went to pieces when her Dad died. She literally had a breakdown herself over it, but I think that is an extreme case.

    Wishing you well.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Hi Carina,
      He was our oldest sibling – I have two sisters, one younger and one older.
      I can totally understand going to pieces. It feels like it’s one foot in front of the other at the moment πŸ™ X

  8. Chris Santavy says:

    Sorry to hear about the passing of your brother. I hope that you are able to stay safe in that you do not have an MS relapse.

    Grief is a personal journey and I wish that you find comfort in the 46 years that you spent together


  9. Annie says:

    Sending love to you all …… massive strength needed but you have that in abundance. Take good care of yourself xo

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Thanks Annie. Funeral is in two days. It will be good to have some kind of ritual and come together with everyone who loved him. X

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