The Year Of Tragical Thinking

tragedyI’m a bit weird, in that I seem to celebrate my own personal New Year around the time of my birthday.

Which, I hasten to add, isn’t for three whole weeks.

Anyway, this time last year I could still be found in dark corners, lamenting my fate.

I mean, really?

Sure, I had MS, was fat, single, wrong side of 40.

And today?

I have MS, am fat, single and the wrong side of 40.

So, what’s changed?

Well, I think I have finally found some backbone, even though my spine is yet to be MRI’d. But I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

I’ve been trucking along, picking up the pace when MS allows, making sure The Teenager is ok, ensuring our household is running smoothly and the kitten is fed, yet all the time in the background there’s been certain people hovering, just waiting to see me trip up and make a spectacular fool of myself (I wish I was making this up).

And it would have been so easy. Almost too easy.

I’ve often wondered what drives people to make other people utterly miserable. What possible enjoyment do they derive from it?

And there’s the nub. I’ve spent far too long thinking about this. A very tragic, very long year. Years probably.

I watched an excellent programme the other day, ‘Before I Kick the Bucket’ on BBC ( I urge you to download it and follow her on Twitter – @B4IKTB). A woman explains she will probably die soon from breast cancer. Puts life into perspective, Big Time.

I can sort my weight out. I can join Tinder (lol). I can accept a third course of Campath. But I will never be able to change other people’s perceptions of how I am failing miserably at being … me.

And if that’s not enough to get my soggy brain around, I don’t know what is.

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8 thoughts on “The Year Of Tragical Thinking

  1. Adrian says:

    Stop feeling sorry for yourself or a why me, why me syndrome; is it because you don’t think much of yourself, you gotta prove something to get people to notice you, got any brothers or sisters? Does this stem from a looong history where family members were In the same rut? Need a quick fix? All this will be changed when you feel proud of yourself and your accomplishments whether small or large, as I’m 100% sure there are people that have a lot less than you! Don’t be so frickin hard on yourself

    • stumbling in flats says:

      You have totally hit the nail on the head – what a great comment!
      Thankfully, in my year of tragical thinking, I no longer suffer from the Why Me, Why Me? Syndrome.
      And yes, a whole lot of people have it far, far worse than me, hence my post.
      I AM proud of myself. And yes, I am ‘frickin’ hard on myself’. And that’s changing.

      • Adrian says:

        Was there girl, 15 years of MS and finally got over the hump, happier now and can now release myself of the “why me” all about myself, hurting myself and others that love me, that I love mutually, my lady friend, family and friends; you’re getting there, if not already! Happy that I can help! 🙂

        • stumbling in flats says:

          Yup, I sure am. It’s all about getting rid of the negative things in life.
          Life is way, way too short for all that nonsense!

  2. Chris Mountford says:

    When I read your posts, I read it in my voice. We sound too alike! (You may be interested to know that predictive text just altered ‘alike’ to ‘slime’. I don’t think we’re too slime even if we’re both too fat!
    All the best ?

    • stumbling in flats says:

      I love this!
      I’m glad we’re alike, aka ‘Slime’. Sadly, fat seems to cling to me like there’s no tomorrow 🙁

  3. Sally says:

    Home in North of Scotland on holiday at mo. Today I visited my favourite little booze shop IN THE WORLD!!!! Their gin range is just amazing. I may have mentioned before my love of gin gets me Left with Rock Rose gin tablet, Rock Rose Gin Chocolates and a new selection of gins. I am now blissfully unaware that my legs are misbehaving. MS problems. Pffft

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Sounds like you’re having an amazing time!!
      Gin is a wonderful cure for MS, lol. The Rock Rose gin tablet must be incredible! Am very jealous 🙂

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