Transformation. Complete?

When your world is turned upside downTomorrow it will be exactly a year since I was unceremoniously ushered out of the MS Limboland waiting room and into a whole new world of clinically definite multiple sclerosis.

MS has had an impact upon every area of my life. Everything has been transformed and I’m not the same person I was last May, but for my MS anniversary, I am going to concentrate on the positive changes.

I’ve done my grieving, I’ve cried myself hoarse. I could either live out a sad, bitter life, railing against the injustice of it all or seize this opportunity to change my life for the better.

I’m full of gratitude for the support network I have – the family and friends who stuck by me through the dark times. The ones who made a swift exit? Probably for the best, eh? I’m indebted to all the healthcare staff who pulled me through and who continue to support me and I’ve made a whole new circle of brilliant friends.

Being bullied at work and subsequently sacked simply for having MS showed me that when I’m pushed into a corner, I can still come out fighting. Ironically, as my colleagues were trying to crush my spirit, the whole experience made me stronger, braver and has restored my self-esteem.

Probably the biggest transformation though, is within my own character. I’m no longer willing to live a life according to what is ‘normal’ or what is expected of me. I am choosing my own path. For far too long I have gone through life reacting to the whims and actions of other people, forgetting in all the chaos that in fact, I had a choice all along.

It took something far bigger than those people to turn my world upside down and to put into perspective just how fleeting and how beautiful life is. MS is here to stay, for now, and as long as it does, we have to learn to get along. It’s part of me, so I can’t hate it. I have to keep learning to adapt, take the good days with the bad. Is the transformation complete? You betcha. Phase One at least….

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10 thoughts on “Transformation. Complete?

  1. Julie says:

    ‘Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.’ Oscar Wilde.
    I read that this morning and put it on my list of quotes to cross stitch and hang on my wall.
    I think it’s very sad that most of us grow up feeling that we should conform to what is expected of us by others. If only we knew that, actually, those expectations are placed on us, by us, and that we can remove them.
    It is liberating when we realise this.
    Inspirational reading this morning, thanks.

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Morning Julie!
      Thank you for your comment, really nice of you to say that. I LOVE that quote – that’s going straight onto my fridge!
      It’s so strange and I don’t want to undermine the seriousness of MS in any way, but it really has given me a huge push in the right direction in a lot of ways – or perhaps I utilised it to my own ends to achieve this. Who knows? What I do know is that having MS in your life leaves little room for all the pettiness from other people and more importantly, allows us some kind of freedom to live life the way we want to. When the worst has already happened, what have we got to lose??
      Have a great Bank Holiday weekend. No doubt it’ll still be cold!

  2. Tony Cardis says:

    Onwards and upwards in a stumbling sort of way 🙂
    If you have friends and a sense of humour you can’t lose

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Absolutely, Tony. Feels good to be on a much more positive footing. Anyone following this blog from the beginning will know it’s a much-needed step forward for me.
      My friends are brilliant, couldn’t do it without them!
      As for sense of humour, definitely!!

  3. Amanda says:

    I was saying the same thing to my friend just the other day, MS has taught me that I am stronger than I thought I was, also in a weird way it gave me confidence. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am going to pass your blog onto other people I know who have just been diagnosed. Keep on writing!! Thank you

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Hi Amanda,
      Thanks for the lovely comment!
      It is weird, isn’t it?! MS has given me a lot of confidence, when you’d think it would be the other way round? And it definitely shows we have more inner strength than we realise.
      MS has to be good for something!

  4. Good for you, m’dear, for focusing on the positive!! I must say, one of the positives for me is finding friends such as you online. It’s an amazing thing, this interwebs, isn’t it?

    (Not sure “happy anniversary” is appropriate here?)

    • stumbling in flats says:

      That’s such a nice thing to say!! And likewise. I absolutely adore the internet and all it brings to us peeps with MS.
      But it’s definitely a happy anniversary – who knows, I could still be in Limboland?!

  5. Honeysuckle says:


    What a year and what amazing achievements. Definitely a cause for celebration. Did you say something sometime about energy levels?!

    All the best,

    • stumbling in flats says:

      Hi there,
      Thank you! It’s been a crazy year, good and bad. Just trying to stay positive. Energy? Comes and goes, lol. Mostly it’s elusive…

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